Today as i watched my friends and family laughing, having fun, smiling and talking, I felt that i could not join in on the fun. I felt as though just sitting there i was still out of place and still the one that no one wanted there. I know that my family loves me and all they want is for me to be happy, but for some reason since he left, I haven't been able to really be myself and be free and have fun with people. Since he left i haven't been to be myself. He left so long ago and u still haven't been my self fully with people I miss him, and i wish he would come home, i wish he would have come back and tried to start over. But instead he chose to leave, he wanted to be with his drug addict girl friend and become an addict him self. He chose to leave home and chose to make his life a living hell. I hope he realizes what he has done because i am done, with him, done trying to make myself what he wants, he abandoned me at nine years old and i am done trying to make up for it.