Dear Kyle - Segment 4

By , Fort Wayne, IN
Dear Kyle,

I know you asked me not to write to you, but it’s okay, because I’m not. I’m actually just writing a letter but there’s no way I’d ever actually give it to you. (ignore the last two sentences, I'm obiviously retarded...)

I am a social, no, I am a disease… I am a cancer. My dad isn’t home yet and I just got out of school. Ellie has been whining at me since I got home, but I won’t let her out yet because I want to write this letter and I know she’s probably already been out like ten times today. I wish I could talk to you again, I miss the back and forth banter we used to have about absolutely nothing. Mom says I’m better off with Shawn, but I don’t really think so. Besides, my mom’s just about as nuts as I am. I mean, seriously, who sits here and writes letters to someone she’s never gonna give them to? Crazy nut-jobs that’s who. Anyways, your son is doing fine. I really wish you would talk to me, or at least listen to what I have to say. I miss you, Kyle. This new you scares me, but then again, the only reason there’s a new you at all is because of me. I hurt you. Badly. And I know what I should’ve done to fix it, but I didn’t. And for that, I am truly sorry. I wasn’t strong enough before. I wasn’t ready to change, and yes I know that sounds horrible, but it’s the truth. I wasn’t ready to stop lying, I’d been doing it my whole life. But I’m changing now, and I’m not gonna lie. It hurts. Really bad. My counselor says I am making progress, she tells me that by admitting to myself that I have an issue with lying, I can learn to take the next steps needed to make things right. I hope she means that maybe I can make things right with you too. It really hurts to be without you, more than you can imagine. I see you all the time, but I don’t think you see me anymore. I think you only see a girl in the place of someone you thought you knew. I know the look you give me sometimes. The hurt confusion in your eyes. I made my life into a lie because I was afraid to let you know me. I was afraid that you’d somehow hate me because of who I was, even if I had never lied to you in the first place. But I’m done lying, I want to get better, and I will get better. But not just for you, for me too. To prove to myself that even a liar can be something else. Rhiannon says she misses you and I miss you too. You’ll see, things will be different this time.


Love,
S





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