A Letter to my Home

April 19, 2012
Dear Home,

Almost 14 years in the past. You were just a house. I saw the world through my newborn eyes. Back then I was terrified of your looming shadows and your boisterous whitewashed walls. A creaky floor board and ever growing cobwebs was my personal reality of a horror movie. But as my wide child eyes became gentle hazel pools, I began to notice you. The warmth of the worn gravel driveway under fine rays of sunlight. How your rough wooden porch is the perfect place to read in the summer sun or to dance in the rain. And never will I forget that dear old wood-burning stove that kept the cold from reaching my pale skin. You have protected me all these years from storms and words. But I was still just a mere child, not knowing the harsh realities of life. When the word grabbed my throat with such force, enough to bring me to my knees, you were always there to loosen their hold. I can look at the floors and not tell if the water stains are from your old, leaky roof or an endless rain of tears.

You became less like a house and more like a sanctuary to me. Our secret truce that made Nevada angry. ‘What is said in this sanctuary stays in this sanctuary.’ I long list of whispered secrets embedded in the drywall. While all the kids were prejudice and telling lies and rumors, we stayed true to each other. You never judged me like everyone else did. You didn’t yell or call me hurtful names. All you did was listen and understand the one thing I really wanted. Yes, it is true that you can’t talk, but it seemed like the breeze spoke though the window, filling my ears and heart with your century old wisdom. And where ever the wind blew, I knew you were looking out for me in a way. You were my family, my friend, my home.

You became less like a sanctuary and more like a home. You taught me to love unconditionally, even if who you love is 150 years old and isn’t even a living organism. You taught me that broken heart and rejection are liked cracked and shattered windows. They can always be fixed or replaced but you will never again have the same view as before. You taught me to love my neighbors and that a new grass length can be good for a change. And I thank you for that, for everything. I just wanted to tell you that I loved you and you were more than just a home to me.

And then you were gone, just poof. I searched the magician’s hat and still no signs, now I know why. This is a whole new world with just a whole new house. 14 years in the making, my eyes were once again young and wide like a newborn. This place is just rough cut wood and a tin roof, plush carpets and a vaulted ceiling. Leading up to the golden sun-filled loft is a spiral staircase. It should fell magical, like in a fairy tale, but all I fell is a growing fear of heights. Band new in what is to be my new room is a gleaming acoustic guitar. I’ve always wanted to play and make music on it, but I just don’t have the heart to take it out of the case without you there. I wanted to grow up beside you so we could grow old together. I wanted everything to happen with you so you don’t miss a thing. But nothing will ever be the same without you because I can’t do that anymore. 1500 miles to a new town, new school, new people, new house. I have to leave my friends and my family, my papa and brothers, my kitty, you. We’ve shared so many great memories over the years whether it was painting on your walls, giving a brother a haircut with safety scissors, intentionally spilling grape juice on your carpets, or my friend and I exploding marshmallows in the microwave. We’ve always had each other for the good times and bad, and I wished that never had to change.

Sometimes people leave and can’t come back from their seat below the pear tree. But other times, they return home again to great everyone with a cinnamon warm smile. You have helped me thought broken hearts, though I didn’t expect to split half of mine around your neck until we were together again. When I needed a friend to talk to, I found you and we became ao much more. You are my family, my friend, you are my home. But this place, so new and far away. This place is just a house, and by the looks of it, that is all it will ever be.

You were and forever shall be my true home. This place will forever will be just a house.

With unconditional love,


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