Everyone thinks they know about eating disorders, but do you know the real truth? There are so many misconceptions and myths about eating disorders that it’s easy to believe the fiction over fact. A year ago today I was rushed to the yarmouth hospital. I had no idea what was wrong. All I knew was that I had got a call saying that my heart rate was low. I didn't know what that meant , all I knew w...as that I was terrified and I had never cryed so hard in my life. The fact that my mother had left for Jamaica just the day before didn't help . When I got to yarmouth the checked my heart rate right away. It was normal in the 80s ! They were about to send me home when one of the nurses suggested I be monitored in the emergancy room. As soo as I layed down and relaxed it was as low as 40. So that was that I was staying the night, when I heard that I thought oh no big deal a night in the hospital. Well I was wrong, I wasn't even allowed to move as much as to hold up a book to read. Sleeping was not exactly an option although they suggested it everytime I actually fell asleep they'd have to wake me because my heart rate would go below 20 (almost stopping). Still the next morning I didn't know what was happening. To me everything I had been doing seemed almost normal , I just naturally went with it. I wasn't doing anything wrong. my mom was on the phone... They wouldn't let me speak to her. I had e-mailed her on the way to the hospital saying I was fine not to worry enjoy your trip. I didn't want to ruin things for her. My brother and grandfather showed up that morning Colby played cards with me to pass the time :) I then was put in an ambulance which I spent the next 4 hours in until I got to the IWK. This is where I was finally told what was wrong.I knew there was something wrong , I just didn't know exactly what ... even people at school were starting to talk it was shocking to actually hear it outloud after so many doctors said nothing was wrong but. I got diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. I then spent the next 2 months in the hospital hooked to a heart monitor on bed rest. It took me 6 months to get to a healthy weight. Then only 3 to have a full relapse and end up back on the hospital on the heart monitor. After two weeks I got sent to the phsyc ward where I spent 2 months working on ways to deal with this illness. I met some really great people who were going through the same or similar things. It really helped me. Today I am more myself than I have been in the past two years. So I'd like to thank everyone who has staying in my life to support me through this. Think what you want. I know that there is alot of stigma around this illness , no one really gets it. Its something that takes over you and your driven to do what it tells you. No matter if you want to stop or not. No matter how badly you want to be normal it wont allow you to do that. It makes you lie and never admit to your problems. You slowly pull away from everything in your life. I never enjoying anything at all. The thing I wanted most was to just end everything. I cryed everyday for a year and then some eventually I just became emotionless. I was numb. Its truely the most horrible thing. This is a mental illness. Anorexia Nervosa isn't away for me to get attention. It has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Do you really think this is a phase ? I don't. I've had people tell me just eat, don't you think that if it were that easy I would ? I've almost lost my life to this twice trust me I wish it was that easy. Think of your worst fear and times it by like 1 million , and think how hard it is for you to face that fear. Thats what fighting this illness has been like for me. To this day I'm still fighting , it does get better. I'm just waiting for the day when I don't have to worry anymore.
March 26, 2012