If Only You Knew

February 10, 2008
By aly coyne, Co. Wicklow, ZZ

You think we can’t walk, we think we can’t walk, you think we can’t do anything, sometimes I wonder if you know we can think for ourselves. You’re always making sure we have everything we want and you all dote over us.

Well, I know something you should probably know. We can walk and talk and think for ourselves. There is just on thing that stops all this, it’s called laziness. I mean think about it, one day one of us just decided to stop because they were tired. Now, all over the world we have the choice to either do everything for ourselves or let everything be done for us for the first few years of our lives. I think you’ll agree in saying, not a very hard choice for us.

So now, we get fed, cleaned, carried and we don’t have to say anything. The only reason why we cry is because eventually you all get so annoyed and frustrated that you give in to whatever ever it is you want. Our trademark is the early morning cry, the purpose of this is simply boredom. We sleep all through the day and come night we just aren’t tired.

There is nothing we hate more than when you all make complete fools of yourselves speaking in those idiotic voices.

Here comes granddad in a high pitched, sarcastic, playful voice. ‘How’s my favourite little girl? Oh yes you are.’ I mean seriously we all know that you use the same line for all of us. Now here’s mummy, ‘a goo goo ga ga, hi my little princess, who’s my favourite little princess?’ again we know this line is repetitively used every day.

What’s with the cheek pinching, these ladies always come over to us, making these sounds like they are monkeys and start pinching our cheeks. Hello? It’s painful.

Finally the potty, talk about embarrassing. We are placed on this bowl and told to go with everyone inventively gazing at us and eventually cheering when we finally go. I don’t see everyone watching Dad when he has to go. Anyway, I guess this is the way things are going to stay for the next few years. As for that mushy excuse for food that comes towards us like a ‘choo choo train’ well, don’t get me started.

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