Pie-a-Guy

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It was a humid, rainy Thursday morning during the summer. My friends and I were at Six Flags Great Adventure and intended on waiting in line all day to get front row at the Jonas Brothers concert. In shifts we would go to explore the rest of Frontier Adventure. Every time I left I would watch this little skit involving to southern brothers, Cletus and Buford, who wanted to join the circus. Cletus wore a skirt and Buford was rather round and wore tight overalls. After one show, I proceeded to compliment Cletus’ skirt; I had one just like it at home. One skit, however, was different than all the rest. They asked for a volunteer from the audience. My arm shot up in response. I clearly had no idea what I was doing. I was never the type to volunteer to go stand in front of a large group of people. And I didn’t know what volunteering to help Cletus and Buford entailed, for all I knew I could have been willingly volunteering for the most embarrassing moment of my life.
“But it’s not like they would pick me right? I mean I’m much further away from the stage than that kid in the third row.” I thought to myself. Cletus pointed at me. I froze. No way was I going up there. Not possible. He definitely did not point to me. I looked around. There has to be another person behind me. Unfortunately the only thing behind me was a giant teepee. With a slight push from my best friend, I moseyed my way to the stage, my heart pounding the whole way.
“So what’s your name little lady?” Cletus asked when I arrived to the stage.
“Dana” I squeaked.
“Okay well Dana I need you to step aside a bit. Buford, can you go in the house and I’ll tell you what to do from there.” Cletus said smiling. Cletus shut the door behind Buford. “Okay Buford, I need you to wrap that black cloth around your head, okay?”
“Okay, hey wait isn’t this ma’s underwear!” Buford shouted from behind the door. I looked to my friends in the back row and giggled with them. When I turned back around, Cletus was holding a pie. I looked at him, at the pie, and then back at him.
“When Buford walks out of that door, I’ll give you the queue and you pie him.” Cletus told me and handed me a pie. I never pied a guy before even though this pie was made of shaving cream. Cletus directed me to a spot next to the door.
“What are ya’ll saying?” Buford yelled. “I can’t hear ya’ll!” I was giddy. It took all my energy to not pie Cletus. Seconds felt like hours on that stage. And then the door finally opened. I pied Buford and shaving cream splattered all over my hands. Buford grunted and Cletus laughed. I had a sudden thought. Get shaving cream on Cletus. I flicked the excess shaving on my hand at him and he cringed and attempted to run away. Laughing hysterically I looked to my left and saw my parents in the audience, giving me the strangest look. I would never live this one down.





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