Hurting

By
My best friend *Jamie* was the type of girl who wanted to know what everyone thought of her even though she knew it was going to be bad. Not many people liked her because they knew that she was a “cutter” but that didn’t get in the way of our friendship. People criticized her not knowing who she was. I was the only person who knew her and I was the only person she could confide in. We shared our deepest secrets with one another.
We met when I was a freshman just starting high school. She was one of the only upperclassmen who would talk to me and I was very appreciative of that. I knew that Jamie had tried to end her life by cutting herself because I noticed the slashes on her wrist. She denied it for a while but eventually she came out and told me that she cut herself. I told her, “Listen Jamie, I know that you cut yourself and I’m not going to judge you for that, but I do want to get you help.” I did try to get her help but, she always told me that the only help she needed was my ears to listen to her problems. I did I listened to whatever she had to say and whatever it was that was bothering her. Usually it had to do with what someone had said about her or to her. I hated those people because they were so mean to her. It was like they didn’t have a heart and they could care less about how she felt. And what shocked me the most is that it was guys who did it too. I never thought that guys could be that cruel.
There was this one guy, Jason, who she was crazy over but of course he was your typical jock. He played on the football team and he did all that macho stuff that guys did. He was one of the only guys who actually talked to Jamie. For a while it was like he liked her too. He would talk to her and if I wasn’t at school he would sit with her at lunch, which surprised the heck out of me, and he would walk her to class. But all of that ended when some girls started a rumor that she was pregnant. Being her best friend, I knew she wasn’t, but there was no convincing the whole school otherwise. The day he stopped talking to her, her whole world was flipped upside down. She started to skip and hang out with people who weren’t her usual friends. She picked up that nasty habit of smoking. God I hated that so much. She and I didn’t talk as much and we didn’t really hang out either. I remember we had this thing that was like a tradition where every other Friday we would go to one another’s house and just have a girl’s night. So I called her and we talked for about a minute or two. She kept telling me that she was grounded and couldn’t do anything. Later on, I heard an older guy’s voice in the background saying, “Come on, Jamie, we gotta go.” I knew it wasn’t her dad because he was in prison and she didn’t have any older brothers. So next thing I know all I hear is Jamie hollering, “Ok, just let me hang the phone up!” And that was what she did, not even a “bye” or “I have to go.” She just hung up on me. I didn’t know what to say or do. So I hung the phone up and just sat there and cried. I felt like I lost my sister.
Two weeks later, I tried to talk to Jason and ask him why he didn’t want to talk to Jamie anymore. Being the jerk that he is, he said, “Because she’s a whore!” I slapped him so hard across the face and told him to go to hell because that was the last thing she was. I yelled at him for a while I told him that it was his fault she was acting like this and that it was his fault that she and I didn’t talk anymore. I told him that I hated him because not only did I lose my best friend, I lost the one and only person who I could talk to. And she lost the only person she could trust and share her feelings with. And now she was out doing God knows what. After that day I never spoke to him again and I never spoke about Jamie. It hurt me to know that my friend wasn’t there anymore because of some guy. Some guy who didn’t care about her because of some stupid rumor. But I guess there was nothing that I could do because she had made up her mind and there was no changing it.
This all happened my 10th grade year. I didn’t really see Jamie around very much. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. At the end of my junior year and the end of her senior year, that little rumor I had forgotten about came back to haunt her about her being pregnant. And unfortunately this time it was true. I can’t say that I wasn’t too surprised because of the people she was hanging out with. For a while she denied it, but once she had her beautiful daughter she was a very proud momma. And I am proud of her for that. To this day I still don’t really talk to her, but every now and then we say our hellos. I miss her so much. It’s like now I need her the most because I’m going through what she went through her senior year. I’m pregnant myself and I want her to be here to tell me its okay. I want to tell her that I need her help. To listen to me the way I listened to her. I wish things would go back to the way they were. Those Fridays we were at each others house talking about boys and what we want to be in life when we get older. But now things are different and I have learned to accept it. We both have moved on with our lives.





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