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Burned

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I wake up, suddenly wondering when I went to sleep, where I went to sleep. Then I take in my surroundings, my slightly burnt, thin and leathery suit with deep red sneakers my long braided black and red hair and my ridged and scratched painted red nails, and I realize I am not in London anymore. Yet still I am surrounded by a breathtaking view. There are beautiful flowers, snowdrop, primrose, daffodils, daisies, hawthorn, roses, larkspur, poppies, aster, calendula, chrysanthemum, narcissus and a flower I cannot place. I feel a sudden tingling sensation in my entire body, and then the most frightening thing that I could think of happens to me, I forget everything except that I am Chrisanthela
Then I fall into another dark, merciless sleep. Except this time I am accompanied by nightmares, the kind that stays with you forever. I am being chased by a deep red, oozing trail of lava, and I hear someone, a boy behind me yelling for help, but I do not turn around, I only steal a quick glance at the boy, just enough to see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes and the lava quickly consuming him. Then I feel warmth in my feet slowly crawling up my body, quickly accelerating into the unbearable, real pain of a burn that can never go unnoticed. Then I wake up screaming. I know it was just a dream, but it felt too real to be a dream. Yet the pain was so real and only then I notice the tingling sensation on my calf. So, I slowly urge myself to stop screaming. After about 15 seconds I accomplish this goal only to turn it into a gasp for air. Then I slowly inch my leathery attire up my leg until I see a gruesome burn. Before I can even react I feel the sensation I felt right before I fainted last time, then adrenaline kicks in and I start running. I’m not sure where I’m running to or from, but I just keep running.
After about 20 minutes the tingling fades, just as do the flowers. Then I fall flat and lay on the ground for the first time, actually considering if my situation is real, and the shock once I realize I’m not dreaming. As it sets in I hear a twig break to left and then again 2 feet to right and a few feet closer, and a little faster, they continue. Without realizing it I’m quickly on my feet and quietly getting closer and closer to the closest tree I can find. Then I snap a twig. And before I know it is stampeding towards me then crashing into the clearing I am in. I stay absolutely still hoping it is not a very bright creature, that maybe it will wander away, forgetting or disregarding that one mishap of my foot that lead to that snap. Yet as I hold my breath, I hear quiet, quick, rapid steps. So quiet that I misjudge them as 50 feet away when it is once again currently breaking through the cover of the trees and into the clearing. I hear the clang of metal and the snarl and whimpers of creature unknown to me. Then as quickly as it started, it stops. I don’t even dare to blink as I hear those same quiet steps get closer and closer to me until it is on the other side of my tree, 2 feet away. Then I hear a strangely familiar voice asking, “Who’s there?”Then the steps continue until I am staring at the back of a boy, a very young boy probably about a year older than me that I let out a slight gasp. Then in a matter of 2 seconds there is a silver sword splattered with purple blood under my chin. My eyes follow the sword to the hand up to the face, and then I feel the blood drain out of my face, because the face of the boy in front of me belongs to face of the boy in my dream.
He has black hair and soft eyes a slender build is probably 5’6about 2 inches taller that me. I try to say something, anything but my voice is completely dry, and then words escape my lips “who are you?”




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This article has 11 comments. Post your own!

Little.Miss said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 2:58 pm:

IT's a very neat idea, but there are multiple writing mistakes. Remember to revise, revise, revise, and edit before submitting work, even to websites like TeenInk. I think this could be an amazing story, once it's revised. It's just things like run-ons, grammar mistakes, and telling instead of showing. I always make those mistakes too though, it's just important that we catch them!

Good luck and keep writing!

 
ArrowHeart replied...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 6:40 pm :
 ok I'll try to do that with the entire story. :)
 
Little.Miss replied...
Oct. 12, 2011 at 2:55 pm :
Good! I look foward to reading the final piece! :)
 
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Mpbeanie said...
Oct. 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm:
I agree with JoPepper's comments. You certainly have a great deal of potential. I would suggest proofreading, but other than that you did a splendid job!
 
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JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm:
It has great potential there were a few lines/words that seem as if they were missplaced like when you're at the climax and then you start labeling the height ( i wonder who the guy is????).  Did you mean to put this in the fiction section? Other than that great job!!!!! :D
 
ArrowHeart replied...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 6:10 pm :
Thank you!!! You are my first comment ever! I am sorry I mispace it... I do not mean to put it in fiction because I am going to add more parts.
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 9:40 am :
That's alright keep writing!!!!!!! :D
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 9:44 am :
Oh thats all right keep writing!!!!!!!!! :D
 
ArrowHeart replied...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm :
If I get 50 views or 10 rates/comments, I will post another part
 
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ArrowHeart said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm:
Thank you guys for reading this!!!
 
charlie24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 8:45 am :
its good by my standards, and i think it has potential x Keep writing!
 
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