Dear Readers,

August 19, 2011
Dear Reader,

I can start off by saying oh how I hate my life and I wish I died, but I won’t. Yes, I do have a somewhat messed up/creative mind but it doesn’t mean I am that way in life. Wait… okay maybe just a little but why do people judge me for the way I think, what I think, and with how I think. I am me and no one lives my life and sees through my eyes, so they can’t say jack about me. If you know me more than other than you can say something to me, but to the many who don’t know me and the person I really am please shut the hell up.
I get so much bull from everyone, everyday about the flaws I have, well I’m sorry for making your life hell. If I could change myself completely I would do it in a heartbeat. I know not everyone will like me and I can live with that. But having a lot of people hate me for something I can’t change hurts, it hurts too much and I can’t take it anymore. I wanna cry because of the life I’m living. I have a family, a roof over my head and I’m getting an education; I’m very thankful for those things. But what people don’t understand is the drama I live with. No one sees the real effect it has on me, yes you may get the concept of what I’m dealing with but really you wouldn’t know unless you were in my shoes. I tend to hide what I’m really feeling inside, deep away. It’s hidden in one of those dark endless caves where there is no escape. I don’t like telling anyone the full story of why I’m like this only because I’m afraid of what they will think of me. Yes, I have a tough girl exterior but in reality I have feelings just like everyone else. When people say cruel things to me I act like I don’t care and I will say something mean right back or I might not even say anything at all, but inside I’m beating myself up. My heart is hurting literally. I’m so serious and I don’t know if that’s normal or not but it hurts and I can’t deal with that feeling anymore. I have so much things that I hate about myself and very little things I do like about myself. I just can’t deal with the overwhelming pressure of this world we live in today. Some people may say oh how she’s just another emo kid who hates life. Actually I’m not. I love life on some days but on other day I hate it. I have so much to say but I don’t know how to say it. I choke up because of fear and the feeling of emptiness consumes me.
I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life; I can never seem to find happiness. So every day I live I have to accept the fact that I’ll never find my soul mate. This letter can go on and on but I won’t continue, maybe not for now at least.

Sincerely yours,
Sasha





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