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Harry Potter Ruined Me

Harry Potter Ruined Me

July 14th, 2011 was a sight that I could not believe. Thousands of people all dressed with capes, broken glasses, and lightning bolts drawn on their foreheads. Are you kidding me?! Did I mention that it was only seven o’clock at night and the movie didn’t come out for another five hours?
That particular night I was at the movies to see Horrible Teacher, but I did finally come around a few weeks later and see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 only to be completely lost throughout the whole thing and astonished by ridiculously obsessed morons who I believe would fight someone like me over a Harry Potter debate. There was actually a round of applause when Voldemort died. Looking back I’m surprised they weren’t giving high fives to one another like when you go to a Cardinals game and they intercept a pass for a touchdown. If this is what humanity has come to, then we are all doomed. I just wish a professional Arizona sports team could get as much support as this fictional movie gets.
Harry Potter is everywhere. Everywhere I turn recently, I see some form of Harry Potter. My seventh favorite holiday, behind Christmas, my birthday, Easter, New Years, Thanksgiving, and The Fourth of July, was even ruined by Harry Potter this year. In all of my years of Halloweens, I thought I had seen it all. I’ve seen cops, firefighters, cats, angels, and like fifty other things made from what seems to be three square feet of fabric (I think that is being generous these days.), but this year I saw a scandalous version of Harry Potter on a girl accompanied by her man, Ron Weasley. So thank you, Harry Potter, because there goes my seventh favorite holiday. It just moved back behind Hanukah and the Iranian New year. (and yes, I am a white, American, Christian.)
Another one of my favorite pasttimes is, or should I say was, amusement parks. Disneyland was never really one of my favorites, though I am sure when I was younger I loved it, but Six Flags and Knottsberry farm? You better believe that I went to both every time I stepped foot in the state of California. I loved the thrill of the height, the speed, and the funnel cakes, yummmmm funnel cakes. Well it looks like they stole that from me too! No, I am not talking about funnel cakes. Or maybe I am? They better serve funnel cakes at the new Harry Potter Land in Florida!!!… Anyway, yes, you heard me correctly; there is now a Harry Potter Land in Florida. Maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Maybe we could turn Harry Potter Land into a good thing. We could put all the fans in the theme park, and then we could blow it up! That could be my proposal, right? I propose we blow up Harry Potter Land with all the dress up, broken glasses, bolt on their forehead type Harry Potter fans inside.
And that concludes my essay on how to make this world a better place.
Disclaimer: If you (the reader) are a Harry Potter fan, I LOOVVVEEE Harry Potter so grade accordingly ;)





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