Forgive and Forget

July 15, 2011
By , Rehoboth, CT
I can’t believe she never told me. I would have much rather known than be completely in the dark all this time. She thinks I’m stupid. So what if I constantly have” blonde” moments? Just because I rarely have common sense doesn’t mean I’m completely dumb! How would my best friend feel if out of the blue I decided to go out with the guy she was in love with? Hurt? Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Well that’s how I felt. I felt that way every single day she went out with him.

If I had known she liked him too it wouldn’t have hurt as much. She didn’t tell me though. That girl thinks every guy likes her, she wears tons of unnecessary makeup and of course has the typical blonde hair and blue eyes that guys drool over; she wears extremely revealing clothes, acts like a w**** and I hate her for it. I liked him when I first met him. Jake. That’s his name. I was with my so called, “best friend” Taylor walking down a faded red mahogany stone sidewalk at the park in her hometown of Milton. We were just walking past an old, dark brown wooden bench when a group of kids walked out of the local library. I immediately laid eyes on him. Wavy brown hair, the most gorgeous baby blue eyes, mocha colored, built skin in a light grey tank top and khaki shorts, walking with a confident swagger like he knew he was to die for, all made up this completely irresistible guy.

I was totally about to point out to Taylor the “hot guy alert” we always say to each other when a major hottie comes into view, and then she hugs him. My best friend hugs this extremely sexy guy like they were old friends. Turns out, they were old friends! They had been for the whole entire school year. Why didn’t she ever point out this hot guy to me? I was shocked that Taylor knew this cutie and never bothered to tell me! Hurt even, but also curious about this boy. He had a girlfriend, well not anymore they had broken up. So after we were introduced, I told her, “Hook me up with him!”

Then she had replied, “Okay, sure. I’ll see what I can do.” So here we are, a few months later, and she calls me on the phone, “Guess who I go out with!!” she practically screams into the phone.

I wasn’t too excited; she seemed to have a new boyfriend every week. “I don’t know, who?”

“Jake! I took him skating with me and we were driving home in the car…” and she continues to squeal as she excitedly tells me the story, but I can barely hear because I’m completely torn. The thing was, over the summer after we had met, Jake and I started texting, it was late August. He ended up liking me to, but he went back out with his girlfriend of before, who he couldn’t break up with because she threatened to get people to beat him up. Again. Before, they had broken all of his ribs. He didn’t really want that to happen again, so he didn’t break up with her.

Before you knew it, chaos happened, and Jake’s girlfriend found out that we had been talking, and she mistook it for cheating. Their relationship then, of course, ended.

So there I sat, fading into the pitch black hole of backstabbing friendships that almost everyone faces in their middle school years. Then I did something very shocking, maybe stupid, but hey, forgive and forget right? I decided to forgive her. Whatever, I knew they wouldn’t last.

Jake and I had started texting again, after we had stopped talking since the horrible end of the summer we had suffered. We became really good friends and texted every night. One day, he had texted me when him and Taylor had still been going out. The message had been “Hey, I think I’m going to break up with her.”

I had replied with, “It’s none of my business, do what you want to do. I won’t tell her or anything because it’s not my place to know.” Of course I wasn’t going to tell her. It hurts sometimes when a lot of people come up to you and say you’re going to get dumped later that day. It’s somewhat crushing. I know that from experience.

So she called me maybe 10 minutes after, saying “Guess what just happened to me.”

I didn’t even stutter, “Jake dumped you.”

“How did you know…did he…did he tell you?” she stammered.

“Nah, I figured.” I said coolly. Ha. And I had said she was the mean one. Look who’s talking!

So we talked for a little while after that, then I went on my business texting Jake. That was back in early January. That same month, January 30th to be exact, Jake and I had become very close, and he asked me out. I said “yes” of course. Taylor was pissed. I know it’s mean to go out with the guy you know your best friend’s in love with, but you don’t just date the same guy your friend went out with, right? Too late for that I guess. The relationship, thought to end maybe a week or two later, lasted a whole month, then another, and another. My best friend Taylor constantly kept telling me though,

“Dump him! He just wants you for sex! He knows about your rep I’m telling you that’s all he wants from every girl!” Every time she tells me that, I just respond with,

“Why did you go out with him then?” And she always replies with,

“I don’t know! Don’t follow my influence!” Some best friend, huh? Well I can’t just leave her for a guy, I’m not that mean. I would never ever leave my best friend because she doesn’t want me dating a guy, because I know she’s just looking out for me. Even though I hate her for it because she still went out with him despite the fact that she knew I liked him. Whatever though, forgive and forget, right?

So anyway, here Jake and I were, four months and 22 days later, fighting, because he seems to not trust me. Speaking of Taylor bringing up my “rep”, I have been labeled by pretty much all as a w**** because many believe that I did “it” in school with some guy. Stupid, right? It’s quite sad actually. She kept warning me about how I would get hurt in this relationship, but I wouldn’t believe her. One night though, we were texting and our conversation went like this,

Jake: Sup

Me: None of your business, what about you?

Jake: Whatever just pissed and smoking now.

Me: What do you not trust me?

Jake: Heck no, I don’t trust you! You go and do a guy in school after two weeks and you’ll barely touch me after 4 months?!? You’re probably doing your ex Ryan!”

Me: I can’t believe you just said that.

Jake: I don’t care.

Me: Don’t talk to me anymore. I never even thought about touching another guy after I started going out with you, never have and never would have. Taylor was right about you. We’re done. Bye Jake.

Right after I sent that message, I said to myself, why did I just do that?! I immediately then texted him with another message, saying,

Me: I’m sorry I still love you, I really do, I just can’t take it anymore… my best friend hates you and thinks you just want me for sex… and I’m really stressed out, and you not trusting me just tore me apart… I still love you I just didn’t know what else to do…

Jake: You said we’re done...Forget it… We are done...

I cried the rest of that night. I sent Taylor a text asking for help about it and she comforted me for a while, but was still extremely jubilant about it. I didn’t eat or sleep for the next 2 days.

Two days later, I was still wallowing around in my own misery. Taylor of course was extremely happy, and she kept on saying things like, “I’m so proud of you!” and, “I told you he was just using you!” I hated her for it. We were at her house in her room and I was still extremely down in the dumps while she chatted away about the new Transformers movie coming out that she needed to see. I couldn’t hear anything she said, I was too busy trying to wrap my finger around getting Jake back.

Sooner or later, Taylor and I ended up watching a horror movie in her living room, since she knew I despised horror movies, and after she put it in, I was crying my eyes out and screaming. She eventually turned it off, and turned to me,

“Come on Rudolph,” (which was the nickname everyone calls me since my nose turns red when I cry); “It’s not that scary! I know what will make you laugh!” She smiled and reached over to where I was slouched on the couch and started tickling my stomach, I laughed out loud and tried to tickle her back; soon we were having a tickle war and crying because we were laughing so hard. Then we turned the TV back on and started watching music videos, trying to mimic the dancers like we used to before our friendship started falling apart.

In that moment, I realized that I didn’t need the stress of having a boyfriend. Yes, I missed Jake a lot but the one thing I needed, a good friend, was there supporting me the whole time! I thought for a minute, was Jake really the one? Maybe, maybe not. I have a whole life ahead of me to find out who the guy I truly love is! What are my mottos again? Forgive and forget? You only live once? Live life while you still have it? Right then, I decided to stay single for a while and have fun with my best friend. I can’t believe we had let a boy come between our friendship! Yeah, we had our ups and downs and we fought every once and a while, but we were always there for each other.

It’s hard to find a true friend out there, but once you’ve found that friend that can stick with you when they have all the reason to hate you forever, and they still manage to make you feel so much better when you’re down, all you want in that moment is to have that person there for you, sticking by your side forever. Jake and I still talk regularly, and are really close, but he’s no match for my best friend. They say that, “When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.” And Taylor was there, through thick and thin, and I’ll always be there for her, because she’s my best friend.w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****w****





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