Shattered in Spirit

June 30, 2011
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“You’re lazy you always fail!” People wonder why I’m so sensitive when it comes to these words. Well maybe it’s because I’ve been hearing them all my life and they’ve pierced through and actually hurt me.
The Bible says the words of the foolish one are like the stabs of a sword and… it reigned true. Emotional pain is by far the most painful thing there is. It hurt longing for your father’s approval knowing you’ll never get it. It hurts even more when he opens his mouth and gives you destructive criticism. I always say I'm content with who I am but honestly I’m not! I hate myself but I know I don’t want to. Selena Gomez’s’ words apply to me here:”You made me insecure told me I wasn’t good enough but who are you to judge when you’re a diamond in the rough”
My father had a rough childhood. He didn’t have a father growing up. He said he’d hog to school barefoot and that’s sad but there is no need to reflect it on me because a girl is more fragile and breaks easily and guess what? I’m broken! Almost every girl wants to always be daddy’s little girl but it’s just not so for all of us,
It’s sad for both of us. I feel no love and I give him no love. I practically hate him now but it’s too late. We as kids need material support of course but with no love it all means nothing. All that I’ve ever had now seems futile. I'm so hurt I weep every time I think or talk about it and there’s no pointing in talking to him because he hears but doesn’t listen. So I guess the only true father I have is Jehovah, God But it’s still not the same.
Shattered in spirit I am tossed about like a sheep without a shepherd bitter in heart and like this I will always remain towards him. Don’t do to others what has been done to you or else you could end up losing them just as my father’s lost me!

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