I have never truly know who I am., when I look at the world all I see is hypocrisy and lies. When I look at myself I see the same. For as long as I remember I felt this deep enveloping emptiness. A sadness that I cannot break. I have yet to find the person to counteract this intense hatred I feel for the world. I do not wish to tell a story of my life. I do not wish to have pity from the world. All I want is to show the world what I can do, what I was meant for. Nothing but intentional truth will be told throughout the pages of which I claim as my own. What is hypocrisy? Well I actually have no idea. In my view it is an act in which you are doing something in which you say yourself is wrong. Say you preach that drugs are bad, yet you do them. Would that be a possible example of hypocrisy? anyway the point of all this is to shed some truth to this world. Life is a hard thing many people attempt to survive, to live a life worth something, many do not accomplish this. In all reality is it not true that one has the right to live the life they wish to live. I wish not to offend the earth or more rather the people on it, but should we not also have the right to choose if we want to live in this world. Now I am not saying the whole world is a cold and heartless place, but most of it is, presently more soever now in this recessive age. One can assume that this world was made by a so called "God". Others assume that the world was made bye the "Big Bang Theory", thus this provides continuous arguments. It does not matter at all what you believe in, just the sheer fact that you actually have the ability to believe in something. People you have got to stop worrying about what other people think, say and do. Unless it directly affects you it does not matter what the other person does or thinks. I would like you to know in saying this I am a hypocrite because I obsessively think and worry about what other people think about me. Lying is an inevitable thing. All people do it, every person no matter what age lies about something. Whether it be to manipulate someone or to just avoid a situation all people do it. We are a species that is wired to do just the thing we try to avoid. Do not worry really it's just what we do. Saying that, it is wrong to lie to someone to manipulate them and hurt them. However most people know that, but some do it anyway. Forget all that you were taught or told by some pastor in a church. Life cannot be prayed out. When searching for something you must look within yourself to find the answer. Lets go to to the life of a psychopath. What is a psychopath? Someone who kills and acts in such a manner that is so unlike normality that they are considered to be insane and unsafe around the rest of the human population. I believe that psychopaths may very well be smarter than the average so called normal person. To actually think of acting in a harmful manner is a bad thing, but to go out and really commit to such a horrible act of killing someone must be terribly hard to do. They must really be at a complete breaking point. To formulate a plan in which they actually dumbfound the investigative forces is it not an amazing thing. Or perhaps the " normal citizen people" have driven these people to such an act. The government speaks for itself. This country we call America has been completely selfish. In what way is living in this united states considered "free". All these rules, some of which are completely stupid. Not only that, the government is sending food and spending trillions of dollars on other countries while our country is suffering ( not that that is a bad thing). Should we not tend to our own country first, strengthen ourselves first, so we will be able to better help other countries, and who in the world even said they wanted our help. Why not let them decide how they want to live, it is after all their country is it not. Back to the feeling of deep depression. Well as soon as I hit puberty I have become more and more depressed. I know it is a dreadful word and subject to write about. Depression is what I would like to address. This is a demon we are dealing with. Some paranormal thing which takes us over and makes our lives meaningless. It makes you sad, left with a feeling of emptiness and sorrow, but why. Why does this happen? I wish to know why I have to suffer through this and not even know why I feel this way in the first place. Don't we all though. Perhaps we were all meant to fall to some endless spiralling doom of something. When I was A child my family thought me to be a good person , to not judge or hate because we do not know of it. Yet now as I grow into a woman I realize I have changed so much. Most of all I feel irritated at the whole of the human race. They do not understand me. Well is that the truth am I some weird insane psychopath? I am overall a good, kind person, but deep down I am truly not someone whom you would like to know maybe for some people that will be the case. Sometimes I can come off as being arrogant and rude.. I am paranoid that people are reading my every thought. I am irritated at the very presence of people who act as if they are the most important thing in the world and take all attention away from those who actually deserve it. I try to change in good ways really I do. I am not a good book writing person, but what I do love to do is write poetry and that is what I want to share with the world. I only want the chance to show the world who I am. I want the chance to have a wealthier life so my family can be happy ( although many say that you cannot make a living off of writing stuff). I do not hate people I just feel uncomfortable around them, people scare me, perhaps because they truly do not judge me, they may actually understand me more than I understand myself. I am afraid to love because every time I let someone into my deepest self they let me down, they betray me. So here is some poetry which I have scrambled up to share with the world. For each individual to ponder. My life is dedicated to the sole purpose of being seen for what I can do, not for what I cannot do.
The Truth Behind Lies and The Poetry That Lives
June 15, 2011