burning desires and cold truths

By , fort st john, Canada
i sit staring at the infathomable silece between me and tristin. i have never heard a silence so loud in my life i want to scream at him.to tell him whats going on why i cant love him why im hurting him why why why thats all my life is filled with is why.why did this happen.why me.why am i hurting everyone i love especially tristin. sweet soft gentle tristin why did he have to tell me he loved me i wish i could love him back but if i do all that will happen is he will get hurt. me and trttin have been friends since kindygarden when he stole my pop rocks well we became friend i really didnt like him at all because he stole my damn pop rocks and wouldnt give them back but i got over it when we hit grade 7 i started noticing him. noticing the way i loved his voice. realizing how much i loved his hugs. realizing that i really really liked him and now when he really does tell me he dosent just like me he loves me i want to say yes. to tell him to take me away from everything that has happend to me to just love me but i cant. it all really started about three weeks ago i was walking in the woods one night (yes i know this is very clique but cmon who dont like a clique story) and i was attacked by some random ass wolf thing it bit the really meaty part of my thigh i was suprised it didnt take a chunk outta me i hurt alot. but everything started changing i could see hear and smell this i shouldnt be able to i thought i had some wierd disease that strenghthened all your senses then killed you but then over the next few days i started getting stronger and stronger the bite mark was healed and wierdest of all my friends kept telling me my eyes would go all funky when i got pissy and i noticed that my canine teth got sharp because i went to bite my tounge when i was mad at my mom so i didnt call her a b**** like i wanted to and it cut my tounge open and i had barley bit down. i also noticed whenever i played my sports i would get really strong and also whenever i was around tristin and he would playfully tickle me to push a hair out of my face my heart would race and i would have to pull away from him because i would get a high pitch screaming in my head then the night of the full moon came and i dont exactly remembeer what happend but i knew i felt shitty before bed then i started getting really sick then all of a sudden i fell asleep and woke up in the woods outside of my house it freaked me out because i had never slept walked before.in the next coing weeks i soon became to discover yes i was a werewolf shapeshifter whatever you wanna call me i know i got to the point quite qiuck but theres no way to soften a bomb like that i did alll the studdying i could and it all came to the conclusion that i couldent be with the people i love because any raising of my heart beat would transform me. then tristin just out and blurted kuryen i love you please i want to be with you.it took all my strrength to say i couldnt i wanted to really bad i called him over to talk to him.
**********present day**************
"tristin im so sorry if i could explain to you what was wrong i would but i cant im so so sorry" i said on the verge of tears because i could see the hurt that clouded his shinging eyes that use to make me smile. "then tell me kuryen what could be so bad that you cant tell me im your bestfriend i would be your boyfriend if you let me and i dont understand why you wont im not dumb i have saw the way you have looked at me how much you waannted me and now its like you have flipped a switch like your scared i will hurt you". "tristin im scared of what you would do to me its the other way around really im scared of what i will do to you i want you your right but i dont deserve you im a monster i only can hurt people i cant love them its not possible and if i told you you wouldnt believe me i have troubles believing it and i live through it" "please dont make this hard kuryen try me i have heard some pretty far fetched stories but you would never lie to me you would never inntentionally hurt me like you are now there has to be a very good reason because i know its hurting you to see me like this i will do anything i will get down on my knees and beg for you if i have to"he said with pleading in his eyes and in that moment i knew i had to try i had to try to make him happy to not hurt him i have to he was inching closer to me now. "tristin i cannot tell you what is wrong with me that is my burden to bear but this burning i feel for you needs to be quenched tristin i loove you plz if youll have me im your completely and forever" a smile as big as the sun broke across his face that secong he was pulling me up into a bear hug and swing me around when he finally put me down he pulled me close and pureed in my ear "well now isnt this better you know what would make it even better is if you ghave me permission to kiss you right this very second" i cant say yes i might hurt him but if i reject him i will hurt him hmmm. "trstin i would love for to kiss me but remember you own me now i know that sounds skanky but i dont want to be with anyone but you".he never said a word he just lifted my head with the tips of his fingers and touched him lips to mine that sent an electic shock through me. he quickly slipped his touge over my top lip and pulled away."you know kuryen i always thought of how good you would taste but you know what you taste so much better then i thought" he whispered well nuzzleing my hair "hmm well taste away tristin"i said as i twisted out of his grip and winked "oh is that a challenge babby" he shouted "hmm i like that name haha and no its a dare inless of course your to chicked to take it" i said while walking up the stairs to his bedroom beckoning to him with my index finger and mouth come and get me he must have got the point because he came jogging up the stairs. "me. chicken. never" he said sinisterally" all i did was giggle....to be continued
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i know what most of you think will happen next but thats not what i had in mind you all will just have to wait until my next entry to find out till then let your imagination run wild kiddies : )





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