"What I Want"

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I am a sixteen year old male. Unlike almost every other young man my age, I do not want sex, drugs, or alcohol. What I want is much more important, much deeper than those things; I want marriage. This almost inevitable thing for people in their thirties is one of my deepest desires. You may be asking yourself, “What is wrong with this kid?” or “Is he gay or something?” but I assure you by the end of this essay, you will understand the meaning behind this “strange” desire.

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted unconditional, pure, and true love from a woman. This may seem like a very “grown up” thing to say, but I am very mature for my age. I am sick of fake people (mostly teenagers) and short-term relationships that seem to plague the high school hallways. I have been through my fair share of these things and neither have filled me the way I long to be filled. Even though malicious people do not directly endanger my dream of being married, it does affect how I can love a person. If I am constantly broken by people that tell me I can trust them, I may not want to open up to the woman that is truly for me. As for short-term relationships, they have only harmed me in my search for true, unconditional love. These relationships have exhausted sentimental expressions that cannot be repeated for my future wife. My relationships in the past have scarred me, making me insecure about whether a person actually loves me or is just saying they do. With this insecurity, I am afraid of being vulnerable with my future wife, which could prove to damage the trust in her. I have learned the hard way that these short-term relationships, no matter how much promise they seem to hold, will always leave me beaten and bruised.

Even though this desire to get married is very deep-rooted, I am willing to wait for what I want. I want to ensure that the woman I marry is the exact woman I am supposed to be with. I have seen many marriages fail, and I am determined to not let such a thing happen to me. The woman I am going to marry will have the same convections as me, both religiously and philosophically. I am very passionate about my faith in God. The woman I marry will also share the same view point on love as I have. Her love needs to be unconditional and forgiving; this is imperative since I am not a perfect person and never will be.

The one obstacle with this desire of mine is that people, especially adults, do not take me seriously. They think I am just an immature teenager who is not capable of understanding such complex endeavors; they are mistaken. In fact, I bet if I took out the first paragraph of this essay many adults would believe I am in my mid-twenties. Even though I know I cannot get married now, degrading remarks like “You are too young to get married,” and “You don’t understand these things,” make me feel helpless and weak.

So, still asking those questions? Probably not. This desire of mine is very strong-I know what I want and no one can tell me otherwise. Selfless love is what I am searching for, and I won’t stop until I find it





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Troilo said...
May 31, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Wow!!  Your words move me, Aaron.  What a talented writer and phenomenal person you are.  I wish there were more like you ~
 
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