Dear Mom

March 21, 2008
Even though I had a few memories of you I miss you, it's been a long time since you passed. I know that you tried to hide your cause of death a secret from me. I understand. I know you tried to kick your habit, but it’s ok. You were there for me most of the time you were alive. I haven't been the perfect son, but I hope that you’re looking down and smiling.

I've heard all the stories about you, like when you tried to get custody of me when I was small, and when you used to baby-sit me and my sister. You were always there for me and my sister. As time went by you gave me a baby sister named Honey. I remember the stories of my 13 other brothers and sisters, but I never saw them. You were just trying to shield me from your dark past. I was born while you were in prison and a group called New Horizons took care of me, I was the first baby in the group. My life would have been great, but you thought that you had to protect me and as soon as you got out you took me from them. After two weeks you abandoned me in social services and left me there just so you could get high with your friends. I was lucky because I was adapted to my dad’s family. The first time I meet my dad was when he was getting high with my uncle.
“Yeah mom, they were perfect role models.”
They had no jobs and were getting high off of my grandpa’s social security check. School was a place to show who I really was. I was an A student in Second Grade, but I crumbled like a dry leaf in the fall when I found out you passed away, in your apartment, with my baby sister lying next to you.
I cried a thousand seas when I found out. I met your family at the funeral; it felt as if my soul had been drowned by my tears. To see you lifeless, not even a smile, killed me inside. I had never gone through something so hard in my life before. Through my anger, I let my grades drop and didn't care what anyone thought of me. You were gone when I lost my uncle Danny. You were gone when the tears weren't wiped from my eyes. All because of your past, I know you wanted a better life for me, but all you had to do was be there for me. No one can replace you, and as young as I was I understood you. You tried to hide the empty needles and the beer bottles from me and tried to tell me fake stories of you. I understand that you didn’t want me to know who you were, but you had many chances to start over new. But every time things were looking up, my dad dragged you down again. My grandma told me that you were an honor student in school, but what I want to know is where you had gone wrong.

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