Oh, we were right on the brink. I could feel the tension tightening in my chest. It’s odd, but I crave a full blown conflict with him. I plan them out in my head sometimes, imagining the exact words I might say to him if I ever got the chance. It’s aggravating, when there is the almost chance to speak the words building up under the surface, the important things, and he swiftly turns the conversation in a new direction. Or I somehow end up doing it myself. Next time, I think, Next time this won’t happen. Does it frighten him, the possibility that we may disagree on something? I know deep down that things will never work. Sometimes I forget. Then I listen to his weak explanations and am reminded. I admire people who feel strongly about what they believe in and are comfortable explaining why. I leave, knowing that in an hour this wave of resentment will have passed and I’ll forget the frustration I’m experiencing. But for now I’ll continue to wonder why he acts this way.
March 20, 2008