If I Were a Meal…

March 18, 2008
By Chris Fox, Culver, IN

One day I was sitting next to a beautiful man-made lake in Orlando, Florida and I thought to myself… If I were a food, what kind of food would I be? I began gathering different types such as spaghetti, pizza, Brussel sprouts, asparagus, and many other foods. None of those worked for me.

Spaghetti was a bad choice; there are way too many ingredients you can choose from to make such an easy dish. First you have to choose the type of noodles such as angel hair, tortellini, etc. Then you have to decide what kind of sauce you want. Three cheese, marinara, Italian sausage, Alfredo, there are hundreds of them. And finally if you want to make a specific request you put meatballs in it. I would not want to be an easy back up meal because people would have to search for the correct ingredients to enjoy me.
Pizza didn’t work because there is such a wide variety and so much for people to be picky about. Think about it! When you go to order a pizza you have to decide: What kind of crust? What toppings you would like, and whether you want the toppings on half the pizza or all of it. What size pizza? And then you even have to choose what kind of sauce you would like on it. This is the worst of all the meals to be, because you are only ordered when the person is to lazy to cook any meal, including spaghetti, but people have to pay someone to bring you to them.
Brussel Sprouts and asparagus……surely you are kidding. I definitely am not someone that lives in the dirt. Ideas kept spinning through my mind: Lasagna – too complicated, Burgers – too common place, fried rice – I don’t even like Chinese food. This was beginning to amuse me, out of all the different types of food in the world I could not decide which one to be.
I would be something everyone in the world could enjoy, something that you would not need to add anything extra to like. You could simply pick out things you don’t like and throw them away, but you will still be satisfied with just me. Finally it hit me. BAM! I knew what I would be. I would be, I would be… would be… A CLUB SANDWICH!
This is perfect; I mean come on, who doesn’t like a sandwich? I would be a foot-long Asiago cheese bread filled with fiber, so you would definitely have enough to fill you up and if by chance you don’t finish me you could save me for later. I would include all of the main protein meats: roast beef, turkey, ham, salami, pepperoni, bacon, and chicken. I would be topped with shredded provolone cheese because sliced cheese is too ordinary and I love my dairy products. I would be unique and not just another sandwich. I would be delicious toasted or served cold. I would provide you with all the nourishment and satisfaction that you would ever expect in one package.
This sandwich is perfect for me because it would resemble who I am. I am a well rounded person, which would be the meats. I have some things that people love and as all people do, I have some attributes that people do not like. Cheese has the same quality…some people don’t like Swiss, but love cheddar. I can fit in with most crowds, they find what they like in me and ignore or throw away, the stuff they do not. The Asiago Cheese bread represents the different side of me; I am not the loud and obnoxious center of attention kind of guy, but if you look close enough you will find something distinct about me.

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