Life and the Bendy Straw

April 15, 2008
By Anna Allemang, Grand Junction, CO

When drinking a beverage, everyone should use a bendy straw to get the job done. The flexible straw (also known as the bendy straw) was created and patented by Joseph B. Friedman in 1936. Not knowing that his invention would lead to other great things such as happiness, safety, and comfort, Friedman's creation is now one of the most widely used objects of our time; according to an article by Martha Davidson.

Friedman's unique invention allows the drinker to get a great angle at any point in the container; resulting to the full enjoyment of all ounces. Bend it at a ninety degree angle, bend it at a nine degree angle-- any angle leads to complete satisfaction.

I conducted an experiment to see who was happier-- a strawless person (Person A), or a strawful person (Person B). By hooking each member up to the Happy-o-Meter, the results are 100% accurate; guaranteed. Although using the bendy straw took longer, Person B was happier because he sipped up every last bit and had time to savor his drink. Person A, however, was showing negative happiness on the trustworthy Happy-o-Meter. In fact, it was apparent Person A was outraged. He was "finished" drinking in about half the time as Person B, but he didn't consume the entire beverage, which, by the way, was guzzled too fast to even enjoy. I did this experiment on forty-eight other participants and 90% of all the strawless persons believed they would've been happier with a bendy straw. Clearly, using a bendy while drinking creates a path to a happier, brighter life.

Bendy straws were first sold to hospitals, so I organized a board meeting to check-up on the use of the straws. I invited the presidents of the top fifteen hospitals in the United States to join me. Of those fifteen, all of them agreed their businesses have profited since the use of bendy straws amongst their patients. During their recovery from surgery, patients often find it difficult and painful to sit up and take a drink. The elbow-joint on the straw allows the patient to lay still; free from pain. Also, people with such diseases as Multiple Sclerosis or Parkinson's find the bendy straw helpful when they are too shaky to hold their glass. Without the straw, their drinks would most likely spill. Patients don't do the work; the straw does. According to psychologist David Johnson, the color green is often used in hospitals to help calm patients. Therefore, using a green bendy straw would help keep the patient calm and collected. A well- treated patient keeps them coming back for any and every medical need. A safer, friendlier hospital environment is better for everyone.

Statistics show that drivers who use bendy straws while behind the wheel get in fewer accidents. Why? Because the straw does not block their view. However, when driving under the influence of "Strawlessness Drinking," the arm tends to get in the way. While tipping the cup, can, or other container, the driver is blinded, and therefore, becomes a hazardous being. A pack of bendy straws, on average, costs two dollars. And that, my fellow citizens, is a lot less expensive than a repair payment; or even worse-- a life.

Undoubtedly, bendy straws will boost the level of happiness and comfort when sipping on a nice beverage, as well as reduce the amount of fatal accidents and outrageous bills. Keep life simple; use the bendy straw.

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