Umbrella Controversies

April 15, 2008
By Celsey Duritsa, Grand Junction, CO

Oh umbrella hats; so very useful. There is no deciding between getting wet and using your hands, or staying dry and using your hands. People say that fashion fads are not one to last long periods of time, however, the umbrella hat will last!This hand – free device is handy in everyday life. So fashionable and comfortable, and convenient; the person responsible for this almost unbelievable creation is a genius!

Picture this: someone is walking down the street holding an umbrella, its raining, and suddenly that person has an impulse to start dancing. However, this person is on their way to the most important interview of their life. This person is happy, full of joy, and in that very moment this one person has to make a life changing decision. To dance, or not to dance, that is the question; to get wet, or to stay dry while resisting the impulse to break out and make a move. Everyone knows that resisting an impulse is a danger to one’s health, so drop that umbrella and be free! Wear an Umbrella hat!

Not only does an umbrella hat allow one to dance, but it also enables one to laugh in the face of danger. If someone falls in front of a moving car, it is no big deal. Just help them up. There is no danger of anyone getting hurt because there are no umbrellas to be held, dropped, etc. Umbrella hats are the umbrellas of the future; there will be no more accidents due to unnecessary umbrella holding. There will just be the joys of life.

Umbrella hats make everything more convenient and are quite fashionable as well. Yes, the Morton Salt Girl may have started the fashion statement with a normal umbrella, but given the choice, I guarantee she would have picked an umbrella hat instead. So trendy, so high fashion; only a fool would choose a regular umbrella instead.

A very popular attribute of the umbrella hat is the superb hat hair one gets from wearing such an authentic piece of clothing. Kids these days; waking up from a lengthy sleep and going out into society without brushing their hair. But the messy hair look does look good and is becoming a huge fashion trend. Shiny curtains of prim and polished hair make us want to yawn. Messy hair is sexy and it is a very popular look.

Honestly, who doesn’t want an umbrella on their head? They keep one’s hair dry, so that there are no problems with wet, sloppy hair and smeared makeup. Girls and women everywhere worship these things; men want to be umbrella hats to be worshipped.

Yet, umbrella hats are not just a simple fashion statement. They help people who may not have hands, legs, or may be paralyzed. Umbrella hats enable people like this to be able to enjoy the sweet smelling rain and carry on with every day activities that they would do if they had their limbs once again.

Embrace the rain once again; head on! Make a fashion statement. Never let the rain ruin a good day. An umbrella hat does it all. There is no debate whether an umbrella hat is better than a regular umbrella because an umbrella hat enables one to complete every day tasks without having a large hunk of metal in one’s hand. Umbrella hats are the umbrellas of the future.

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