A Carbecue (A Humorous Story)

April 11, 2008
By Robert Rasmussen, Mesa, AZ

Like all great American tales, this one begins at a Starbucks. Well, technically it began at Dobson high School with me begging my friend Kelsey to take me to Starbucks. I mean, we had a whole twenty minutes before class started. Plenty of time, right?

Anyway, there we were, jumping up and down and checking the time every five seconds. "We're going to be late because of you!" Kelsey muttered angerly at me. Slowly but surely our coffee was being made. Maybe twenty minutes wasn't enough.

"Have a nice day," the barista said as she handed us our coffee.

"Thank you," Kelsey replied. "Ok, let's go!"

"Hold on!" I called to her, running to the cream and sugar stand.

"Oh, come on! Bobby, you are such a freaking girl!" The insult didn't seem to make much sense coming from her, but whatever, We jumped in her car and sped off to school.

"Five minutes. That's plenty of time, right? I mean, like, that's five minutes! We can make it, right?" Man, I can sure sound convincing when I want to. We eventually made it to school (after feverishly cursing at every red light we hit), but when we arrived our jews dropped. The entire parking lot was covered in smoke.

"Oh my God," we said simultaneously. "That's horrible for the environment," Kelsey finished, an incredibly depressed look on her face. "What did you do!?" She shot at me with an accusing look.

"What in the - Hey! Maybe we'll have an excuse to be late!" I said joyfully. "Let's see what's going on." We pulled into the parking lot and saw it: a carbucue. The entire front side of one of the cars was on fire. We pulled along the side to get a closer look and saw flames of burning oil dripping down from it's engine.

"KELSEY, DRIVE! It's going to blow up!!" I shouted, panicking.

"Students, you have one minute to get to class," came a voice over the intercom.

"KELSEY, PARK! We're going to be late!!" I shouted, again panicking.

"WOULD YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND!?!?" She screamed, looking frantically for an open spot that would be safe from spontaneous explosions. Luckily, we found one quickly. After slamming on the breaks and jumping out, we began to run crouched over to avoid the smoke. Security guards came rushing past us carrying fire extinguishers, yelling orders at each other. Sirens began blearing around us as fire trucks pulled into the parking lot.

"Kels, is it just me, or are we in the middle of an action movie?" I said, have expecting to hear helicopters and gunshots.

"Mmnm nmNm uMnumN-NUm" Kelsey responded, her sleeve covering her mouth to avoid the smoke. I assumed it meant something along the lines of "Get moving! We're going to be late!" We booked it on campus and made a mad dash for our classes. I saw my classroom! The intercom buzzed loudly. A voice rang out through the halls.

"Students," I pushed through the waves of students crowding the door. I was clear! "You should now be in your fifth hour class." I made it! I couldn't believe it! I was about to take a huge victory gulp from my coffee when the teacher called my name.

"Bobby, you should know the rules by now. No coffee in the classroom! Put it in the back."

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