I want excitement. I want danger. I want raw sexuality. I want raw emotion. I'm not going to get any of that out of Coalinga. I don't want sex. I don't want drugs. I don't want stupidity. I want an unconventional love when I am old. I want to meet someone who is daring, but not stupid and share my life with him. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to achieve. I want to feel the blood flowing through my veins. I want someone that will hold my hand, not grip it. I want someone to cause chaos with. I want someone who is passionate about life first and foremost. I am alive and that's a great feeling. I don't want the kind of love you see in movies. I want someone who will tell the truth. I want someone to point out my good points as well as bad. I don't want a hanger-on. I want someone who thinks like me. I want someone who thinks outside of the box. I want someone who looks at life as more than just a state of being. I want someone who sees life as an opportunity. I want someone deep. I want someone fun. I want someone who thinks above their station, above the status quo. I want someone who has a manifesto. I want someone that electricity runs through in a raw current of pulsation, electrifying every nerve until a power surge blows the socket out of the power lines of life. I know the meaning of life, yet I am not wise. I know who I am, yet I don't know where I'm going. I revel in the confusion and drink it deep like a weary traveler through the Mojave spotting a spring ahead. I feel the summer thunderbolts running through my body and I see the star in the sky, the potential lingering for something big. I love myself, but I don't know why. I'm conceited but thoughtful at the same time. I want a match, I want a mirror, I want a connection. I want a similar mind to connect with mine, because when that happens sparks will fly.
January 1, 2008