New Kid

December 18, 2007
I miss what was left behind: connections, friends, and family. I don’t blame anyone. The new house is cool. The neighbors live a good distance away and the road to my house dark and gloomy at night. It’s so quiet now I can hear myself thinking. I live ten minutes away from my new school and it isn’t so bad. The staff is nice and the curriculum is okay. The problem is I don’t know anyone.

I’m only comfortable talking to people I know and I may seem unsocial to ones who don’t know me. At the new school, I feel as though I have no connections with anybody, so it’s hard for me to meet to someone new. I could always strike a conversation, but I’m speechless about what to say. I don’t know any of their interests, nor do I want to make a fool of myself by talking about random subjects. Sometimes I feel like I have no common interest with anybody and feel like I’m the missing crayon from the box.

I enjoy what the school serves at lunch, but hate how I struggle to sit by someone I know a little. I get really nervous and self conscious when trying to find a seat. Then, I just give up and sit anywhere with anyone. So, the first few days of school I sat with random people at lunch. Then I learned that it was a big waste of time because I’m an unsocial person and didn’t want to waste my time doing nothing. So, I escaped the chaotic social gathering by eating snacks in class and spending the lunch hour in the library. By doing that I saved a bunch of money and avoided some shame of being alone. I also enjoy the quietness that the library offers so I can concentrate on homework better.

Somehow, I am like an undercover loner. It’s not like I want to be, but I just feel so different from everyone that I rather spend time by myself. On the outside you might see me as a cool outgoing person. On the inside, I’m totally a different person than you think. It’s just a matter of getting to know me or not. Sometimes it feels as though I’m being judged that way, but I could care less about what someone thinks of me.

Being secluded has taught me how to be above the influence and be more self sufficient. By not hanging out with anyone outside my family, I avoid peer pressure and mischievous actions like doing drugs and alcohol. I also concentrate on my education better because I don’t have anyone constantly talking to me in class and don’t waste time hanging out with friends. I also enjoy the alone time I have with myself to do whatever I want. There are also some negatives like holding in my emotions and not being able to converse with other people. I’ve been able to learn by myself and be self sufficient. I’ve become more family oriented and spend more time helping out around the house. Although it came with some lost, my new environment experience has taught me countless lessons. Sometimes being secluded isn’t so bad after all.

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