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Two Years Ago

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It was 2 years ago nearly exactly when I choice to end my life. I was failing science, I still could barely read or spell. An people still made fun of my handwriting. I was done with it, done with trying, done with life. I was doing the dish washer when the idea entered my mind, I saw a steak knife. I picked it up it was cold ageist my skin, no I thought to myself. In the next half an hour that followed my mind changed. I got in a fight with my parents I ran to my room. I grabbed a pen and paper and locked myself in my closet. I wrote on my arms and legs I hate you[you as in me]. I thought it was my fault that I was dumb. I wrote to my parents that I loved them but I was so sick of having two teachers in my class, Going to prime, my teacher asking me if I needed help in even the spilmple things. Was I really that dumb really was I. I wrote on the wall i hate you, i did. There I was with tries rolling down my cheek while Shock in the dark conners of my closet about to end it. Just as I was about to placed the pillow over my mouth about my cousin she was not yet even born I would never see her. No I thought I must not live there is to much pain. My mum had wanted children and I would never have any. Never get married, never even have a first boyfriend, never have a first kiss, never turn 13 and believe me I what'd to be 13. Never no what happens in Harry Potter, never go to high school. Never go to college, never swim with dolphins. Never see my family again,and never even go downstairs again, never have done all the amazing thing I’ve done. The tries steamed down my face. I opened up the compared doors screaming for my mother she came running up the stares with her coat and shoes on they were about to go look for me. She held me as I cried. I was in 6th grade and I what to die. If those thought had never entered my head about the positive things in life. My Mum would have lost her best friend, my father lose the daughter he always what'd first, my brother would have lost his only sibling and his only sister he would ever have. And my dog would lose the girl that gave him his warm milk. But I think of my nanna she says I something special and nothing is wrong with me, and I’m beautiful just the way I am. She would half sobbed herself to death. If those thoughts had never enter my mind this name on this computer would be different and the person typing would have a different color nails, different clothes, different color hair, different color eyes. My name would not be on this Ibook or me in this car. No my name would be 5 miles down town on a grave and my body, my body would be under it rotting in a ground. An this seat would be empty and my parents would have probably staid home because my brother can not stay in a hotel alone. It was 2 years ago nearly exactly when I was falling science. I still am but I will never running to by closet. I hate you is still written on my wall, but under neat it is I forgive you. I can’t believe that to years ago I planned to take my life, It was 2 years ago nearly exactly when I planned it, I thank god every day I did not.





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eileencuisinehxc said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 2:21 pm
jessica.. i am very proud of you that you didnt do anything. you are a very smart girl. i know it may not seem like im nice to you sometimes but i do love you. i dont mean to offend you in anyway but i am praying for you and your family. i dont know how things are now but i hope they are better for you girl..
 
Jezabel replied...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 9:22 pm
im good. i am so happy i didnt. i got the help i needed and have good grades. thanks for the support
 
Jezabel replied...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 9:27 pm
wait do i no u?
 
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