We were driving up the curvy highway; I looked up and saw a standard green exit sign. It read Steamboat Springs. I felt as if I was on a roller coaster and just went down a drop. My heart started to beat fast within my chest and my stomach felt a little sick. Memories danced in my head, conversations we once had, drives we took, and things he did that made me smile. How is it that an exit sign can send you spinning? I was fine and had been fine. I really didn’t think there was anything left. But there it was, that green exit sign, it proved me wrong. I sat in the car just staring out the window the trees all turning into a brownish blur; the hot leather set starred to stick to my back. I tried to push the thought of him and the sign out of my head but the more I tried the harder it was. All the meaningful conversations we had in the beginning, the exciting first kisses, and the time we never had enough of, came whirling back into my head. Why hadn’t it worked? When did we lose the excitement? Why couldn’t I make anything last? Why am I the one to has to be hurt and upset while he gets to move on with out a worry? Why am I the one who remembers all the little things he said? Why do I still care about the little things he said? My mind was becoming a jumbled mess of thoughts and questions that weren’t going to help anything. I looked hopelessly up at the mountain whose road I was on. “Hey do you want to stop in eagle” my Dad’s dry, rough, voice interrupted my thoughts. As soon as it had come it was gone. The thoughts of him and the sign were gone and nowhere to be found. I quickly replied yes, just remembering I needed to use the restroom.
December 5, 2007