February 21, 2008

March 4, 2008
Tears formed in my eyes today as shivers overwhelmed my body. His voice so soft and smooth; an elegance elevated beyond human standards, but a perfect angelic sound. He struck his guitar and beauty resonated from within him and I could do nothing but weep. I wept for everything I knew and everything I didn't know. How could something so pure deserve what I have inflicted upon him? I have given him ignorance, the worst sort of pain one can experience. But he can't know. Never could I bear myself to face him if ever he did. This is why I cry, because I'm sorry I cannot say anything. And I know she will never speak of it to him. So many other secrets she keeps from him. This one just another memory to hide within the chest of her body. Is the ignorance she has given him and worse than mine? I do not know.

He looks to her as the faded lights shine down onto him; a dim blue light. I do not notice her reaction but realize it is the same stare she has gazed upon me with a countless number of times. So much lies within those eyes. A window into his heart where I see his intentions just like his voice are smooth and pure, and I know her's cannot be returned as so. I'm sure she lies to herself and hints back in a way she knows he'll interpret as the same. How can a person continue in such a way? I do not know. I hope I never do.

And now I weep for I wonder how long such imperfect balance will remain steady. How will everything fall apart? Gradually, or maybe not. I doubt it will be the result of my actions. She'll continue to mask her emotions until he believes every word she says. He already does.

She is not at fault though (or at least that is what we tell each other) for what we did had to happen.

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