Gay, Lesbian, Homosexual?

February 18, 2008
I am a homosexual teen.
Right now there are people out there that believe it’s “cool.” Maybe they are just trying to get attention. But, I know I am gay, homosexual, a lesbian, or whatever you want to call it.
Like going through the stages of death, you also go through stages of accepting homosexuality. As in death, you deny and isolate yourself. You deny your sexuality and claim to be straight. Hiding or isolating yourself from others, believing they may know. In this stage, I was scared and so self-conscious. I thought everyone who looked at me knew. I started avoiding people and became withdrawn. I hung out with my friends, but I wasn’t really there, just existing in denial.
Then the denial turns to anger; you lash out at others and even yourself. You are angry and believe you’re being wronged. I blamed God because He created all humans, and in the Bible it’s wrong, so why would He create a human with a sin for her life? I began cutting, trying to get the anger out. To bleed out the homosexuality! I became frustrated at my friends. They didn’t understand. They thought I wanted attention. Then someone told me that yes in the Bible it is wrong, but God also added that if anyone were to wrong or judge the homosexuals that they would be punished. I realized that God didn’t make a mistake, that I had some sort of purpose.
The anger does turn into bargaining. You start thinking that you like both, that you’re just in the middle, trying to hold on to what most people want, to what was taught growing up. I tried saying that I’m just Bisexual, but I still felt hallow; I didn’t feel right, didn’t feel like me. I decided I needed to figure it out.
Depression sinks in, and you start to wonder how or what to tell your parents or family and how your friends or family, more importantly, will react. You imagine it to be the worst knowing you’re tearing someone’s heart out. I didn’t tell my parents; they found out through my journal. My mom wanted to kill me or lock me up for the rest of my life. I knew my parents would be enraged. By this point, I was seeing a school psychiatrist. He helped me. I stopped cutting, and my parents and I settled on the fact I was just confused.
Finally there’s acceptance, where you know you are gay and you know that this is how you are and that you can’t change. So you agree with yourself and realize it’s okay. It is so nice knowing that you can finally be at peace with yourself, that you know who you are. I still don’t show it as best as I can. I want people to know, but at the same time I don’t. I do because then people will see me for who I am, but I don’t because people might just see me for what I am. People I trust at school do know, as does everyone I work with. My sexuality has cost me a job and many “friends,” but in the end, I’ve gained so much more than I’ve ever lost.
I am a proud homosexual teen.

Join the Discussion

This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

Maryflor20511315 said...
Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm
I think this is absolutely awesome. You are so amazing for doing what most teens can't accepted yourself.
PointOfNoReturn said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I'm with you on this post :]
pageturner This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm
this is so cool. like how many people have trouble getting out of the closet, and learning to accept themselves
SamIsSmiling said...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I'm bi and have known for a long time, but I didn't understand what I was supposed to do about God. But I realized in time that I am who I am and no one, not even God, can change that or make me want to change that. I liked this especially the beginning, I have about four friends who pretend to be gay because they think it's cool. :)
FireandWater This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 15, 2011 at 9:00 pm

i can't say that i agree in any respect with this.  i really can't understand homosexuals, that's why i try and find out their POV.

God did not make a mistake.  God also does not make sin happen.  WE sin.  Satan tempts us.  Everyone has sins in their life!  Yours is homosexuality.  Yes, you have your opinion, but all I can feel is sorry for you.  I am glad that you have found a place of acceptance for yourself, but not that you are okay to keep s... (more »)

HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I'm so sorry that I seemed to scream hate at you.  I do get very hot-headed sometimes, and my pride gets away from me.  It's unacceptable to speak judgmentally toward another person when I'm just as much a sinner as they are.  I just want you to know that although God hates sin, he still loves all sinners.  It's always hard for people to believe that he can be a God of love and justice and mercy all at the same time.  But he IS.  I don't like to think of Christianit... (more »)
MCoryDuplantier said...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 12:38 pm
OMG! So great. Bravo kudos to you. Its time someone thats a teenager writes something that actually defines a good point. " It Gets Better" Thats the point I read from this. It encourages other homosexual teens to keep at it. That they will later be free to live their life. Bravo and Kudos to you yet again another well written manuscript.
DungeonDweller said...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 7:35 am

Very well written, and very well put.

Loved it. 5 stars.

HoMo_boy22 said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm

you r exsactly correct!!!

five starz

kidlet612 said...
Jul. 8, 2009 at 8:02 pm
:]wow, im not the only one? i hated myself for thinking i was possibly gay. These were my steps exactly, aside from the acepting part...i still dont know..
WritingRocks said...
Jul. 8, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I can't exactly empathize, but I can sympathize. I can imagine this was really hard for you. If you ever need someone to talke to, I'm here
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