A bullying Satire

January 7, 2011
Schools say “no” to bullying, but why not say “yes?” Bullying is good for teachers, students, classes, and the world. Bullying can help everyone whether they are the bully or the victim. Everyone wins when it comes to bullying. There are so many reasons why instead of saying “Bullying is very bad,” teachers should say, “You should bully, but not everyone, because some people need to get bullied.”

What would teachers do without bullying? Our school days would be boring, right? 32 hours of the school year is taken up by lectures about bullying. What would you do in that spare time? Well, the teachers would just give us more work. Fun. Also, bullying is a part of life. If you get bullied, oh well for you. After high school, it’s not like you’ll ever see the bully again. The bully most likely will end up in jail.

If someone bullies you, why not stand up? There need to be more fights after and during school. The more that people stand up, the more fights that will probably end up happening. And if people fight, it can lead to suspension. It all makes sense. People get in fights, people get suspended, they’re not in school…are you following? With less people in school, we can get a better education, because when there are fewer kids in the class, it’s easier to teach.

Plus, the bullies are probably some of what teachers call “Problem Children,” so having them suspended and out of class means it’s quieter, and you can actually learn in class. Every class has at least one “Problem Child,” and if they don’t, the teacher is lucky. The “Problem Child” is the one that can be the class clown, or the referral hogger (Someone who always gets referrals in class). So, why would you want to stop bullying if it can give you a better education along the way?

The best kinds of bullies are the kinds that make you feel bad about the way you look. If someone says your hair is to curly, your going to want to go and straiten it. So bullies are helping ugly people look better. That’s a really nice thing to do. With the help of a few bullies, we can make the world a prettier place to be.

Another reason to praise bullying is because bullies become famous. Characters such as Darth Vader from Star Wars, Sam from iCarly, Nelson from the Simpsons, Sue from Glee, and Jerry from Tom and Jerry are very famous. And all five of them are bullies. And what do they get? Posters, shirts, mugs, and a whole lot more. They even have quotes in books. So if you encourage someone to become a bully, they to can be famous. You can tell them that if they’re bullies that they can become famous. It’s so true that there are many, many famous bullies, and in many cases, their bullying is encouraged.

The last reason is because bullying makes you stronger. Haven’t people ever heard the saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” It’s a great quote that leads you right back to bullying. If the bully doesn’t kill you, you’ll get stronger. Isn’t that what the world wants? Stronger people? Our country alone is way to obese and stronger people can lead to less obese people. Well I think it’s a great idea. So if bullying will give the world stronger, less obese people, then why not say “yes” to bullying. You may think that bullying is bad, but I say, “Say yes to bullying!”

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

music said...
Apr. 9, 2016 at 3:08 pm
You do a great job on writing the opposite of what you believe.....I was going to be like ummmm not sure this is cool...overall great job I honestly thought that this was your opinion so great job on the opposite of what you really think.
JoPepper said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Okay at first I was like "Um....well....."  You do a very good job at writing the opposite of your opinion!!!! good job!!!!!
RhinoGirl12 said...
Jan. 13, 2011 at 3:28 pm
(From the Author) Please note, this is not my opinion on the topic, in class we just had to write the opposite of our opinion on different school rules.
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