My First Confession(Always Questioning Myself)

January 3, 2011
By MidnightBreaker SILVER, Lubbock, Texas
MidnightBreaker SILVER, Lubbock, Texas
9 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not dwell on your past, It will not help your future."
"It is better to have loved and lost, than to live with a psycho the rest of your life."
"Its good to dance in the rain when its all the company you have."

Why do I want to throw stuff at my mirror, just to hear it shatter? Why do I hiss at every man in sight, even in public, out in broad daylight?

4 boyfriends so far, 1 cheated on me, and the rest were OK. No!
What am I saying? The first one was the best I will ever have. I miss him. I miss having a simple conversation with him. I hate to to admit it, but I don't want to give up on finding "the one" for me, but it seems to be the only choice I have left anymore. I don't want my heart broken anymore than it already is. I'm still broken inside, wither I want to admit it to anyone or not. Am I going to start hating life?
Perhaps even lose my friends for my new bond behavior?

I don't want to look for him. He does NOT exist!!!! Yet my heart yearns for that everlasting love that I will never have. And even more so, I still take those silly quizzes that say where my future husband is....what guy will fall for me...when I will met THE ONE.

None of it is real. None of this matters. I want no one to feel like I NEED someone to hold onto and say "You'll find him. He's probably been under your nose this entire time." Yeah right. He just does not exist. He's like air, you can't see him, but he is indeed out there. But he doesn't exist. DOES NOT EXIST!


So why do I cry every night, fall asleep thinking about what he would look like, where we would first meet, how our story would begin and how it would end, and if I can hold him during those scary movies I love to watch all the time?

The author's comments:
I wrote this after thinking about my love life so far up to this very point in life. This is about my life and it is my first and only confession i have and will ever make on the subject of....."romantic relationships". This is about MY love life. No one elses' and i just needed to get all this off my chest. I have never told anyone this. Not even my best friends or my closest family members. Only onto you the Teen Ink community have you ever heard this from my very words and my very heart and soul. I do not care if this is rated or even commented, I just needed to let someone know. Thank you for reading.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Mar. 21 2011 at 5:47 pm
Arluanna PLATINUM, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
31 articles 2 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Mwahahahahaha! Now you are mine, Lesley-Bird, finally, at last, in my... oh, drat, forgot it had wings...”

-Phil, the youngest Kalins Uzin

You're not the only one to trust the with your confessions and secrets. Waiting to Let Go is my story, my secret. You can look it up if you want, but be warned--it's rather mature reading.

And I hope you do find him, wherever he is. He's prbably out there somewhere--just don't lose hope!

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