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Kaitlyn

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I slowly crept down the stairs towards the enormous blue crib in the center of the room. As I transitioned on to hardwood floor at the bottom of the stairs, I began to become increasingly overwhelmed by the size of the thing. How could such a huge crib hold such a small person? As I approached my destination, I could not even begin to try and count the thoughts flying through my head. How big is she? What does she look like? I hope I don’t wake her up. I finally reached the edge of the giant blue crib and peered over the edge. She wore these bright yellow footy pajamas that seemed to swallow her. She was so small. I took her in slowly. From the ebony fuzz on her tiny head, to her eyelashes that fluttered as she slept, down to her chest as it slowly rose and then fell. I just stood there staring at her. As though, just maybe if I were to look at her long enough it would make her seem more real to me.
Kaitlyn was her name. I guess it suited her. She didn’t really seem to be ready to have a name yet. She was barely alive. This tiny girl would be an adult one day? She would run and talk? It didn’t seem likely at the time.
It was very early in the morning. I’d had a hard time sleeping. This was a big deal, I wasn’t alone anymore. The sun was barely peering into the room through the light blue curtains. The hardwood floor felt cool on my feet as I stood on my tip toes peering down at her. It was all so overwhelming, sweet but scary at the same time. I felt this strange protective feeling for this tiny creature that I had just met. How I longed to know what her voice would sound like and what color her hair would wind up being. And yet at the same time, it was worth the wait.
I heard the door creak open and turned around to see my mom walk into the room. She looked so tired. She smiled at me and walked over to Kaitlyn’s crib. “You want to hold her?” I looked back up at her with a frightened expression. Hold it? That tiny little thing? What if I drop it? She didn’t really wait for my answer though, she just very lightly picked her up and told me how to position my arms and I held her. A strand of my curly blonde hair fell against her nose and she wrinkled it and sneezed.

Up until this point in my life everything had been so boring. I was the first born on my mom’s side of the family so all of my aunts, uncles and grandparents always knew what I was doing and where I was. I could never misbehave or have any real “kid time.” I was always with adults doing adult things. That’s probably why I so badly wanted a younger sibling. I had been begging my mom for years for a younger brother or sister. I was six years old when and she had finally come.
Now that she was here, she was so fragile and small that I could never imagine her being rough and rowdy or even playful when I was afraid to even hold her. I guess I never really thought that this day would come and now that it was here I wasn’t really sure how to handle it or what to do. All I could do was look at her in this surreal haze with all these hundreds of questions buzzing around in my head. I had wanted more than anything to know what she would be like and how she would change my life. This tiny baby with such a huge impact. And that was exactly what she was and what she did. She changed my life in more ways than she’ll ever know.





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