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How To Be A Teenager
1)Grow up with overbearing parents who don't understand you. Fight them on every single detail. Ignore their warnings. Don't admit they were right when you screw up.
2)Start out high school by taking classes that your parents want you to. Do it just to shut them up. Hate school as a result. Later on, take the classes you want, like Psychology, despite your mom's disapproving tone.
3)Say "f***" a lot. Make it your new favorite adverb, adjective, and noun. Wait a couple of years to make it your new favorite verb. In addition, just swear a lot really.
4)Make up your own words. You want to be creative and innovative, but don't push it by coming up with a new lame word that just makes you look like a wannabe. Constantly test yourself to make sure you're talking like a teenager by conversing with your parents (although, do this grudgingly. Remember, teenagers hate talking to their parents). If your mom and/or dad have no idea what you're saying, then congratulations, you're speaking fluent teenager.
5)Always contradict yourself. For example, when at dinner, eat only half of the food on your plate, and say you're full. Then ask what you're having for dessert.
6)Have serious mood swings. To be honest, this mainly pertains to girls only, but guys, be sure to thrown in a couple here and there. Girls, have them all the time. The more drastic they are and the more dramatic you are, the better.
7)Be incapable of learning thirty Biology terms, but known 150 video game cheats by heart (if you're a guy) or know who seventy different people are dating and cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend with and are getting cheated on by their boyfriend/girlfriend with (if you're a girl).
8)Always make inappropriate jokes or laugh at something that has even the slightly sexual connotation. Especially in the middle of class. And no matter how much your Biology teacher tries to tell you beforehand to act like mature adults, always point and laugh hysterically when it comes time for the section on anatomy.
9)Blame your hormones for everything. If that doesn't work, just scream in frustration and exclaim how no one understands you.
10)Fall in love with every person you date. When reminded of how you also loved the last guy/girl, say that you loved them, but you weren't in love with them the way you are with this one. Break up, find someone new, and repeat.
11)Become a master at sneaking in and out (in essence, become a ninja). It is important to note here that it just as important to sneak back in as it is to sneak out. Mastering just one of the two will not do.
12)Don't write essays until the early morning hours of the day they are due. Write whatever you can think of. When doing this, remember – stay far away from the backspace and delete keys. Those are evil and will eat up your precious hard work. Double the default margin space, choose big fonts, make the font size larger but not so much that it's obvious, and – this step is absolutely crucial – pray with everything you have that your teacher doesn't notice or pretends not to. Use a thesaurus to incorporate big and complex words into your essay. See if you can increase the line spacing, remember it's already set at double, and say "f***".
13)Your iPod and cell phone are your best friends. Go to them when you're sad or mad. Your cell is used for texting. Only actually talk to people if it's an emergency. Your iPod should be on full blast. If you can hear someone a foot away from you, we have a problem.
14)Facebook is a must. Use e-mail, but primarily communicate via Facebook. Constantly make sure you're not tagged in an embarrassing photo – those things can result in a humiliating nickname that you will be known by for the rest of your high school life. Remember that it's a status update and not a diary.
15)Drive adults crazy by telling them to 'chill' and stop worrying. Stick up for yourself, no matter how wrong you maybe. Rely solely on gut feelings. Don't contemplate things, and take a lesson from Nike, and Just Do It (if you're a teenager, that brought you, or at least should bring you, a couple of giggles of amusement).