Jonah William was my oldest brother... On August 25th 2007 around 8:30p.m. he was in a fatal car accident in Boyne City, Michigan just off of Tomkins road. He was leaving the Allman Brothers concert at Boyne Mountain, heading to a friends house to endure his fourty-eight hour party. While heading to his friends house, almost there he drove through a stop sign hitting two huge pine trees. He hit the trees with such speed that he was skidded instantly and his car was completely mongled. Today is October 4th and the whole accident still seems unreal to me. I know that he's gone and there's nothing I can do to bring him back but I still wait to see him walk through the front door. Before this day I had been hurt physically and emotionally but nothing compares to this. All other pains in the world can be healed with time but not the loss of a loved family member. It seemed like just the other day that my mom, Seth, Jared, Jonah, and I were in the car wrestling on our way home from town, that night Jonah had brought home Harry Potter jelly beans and they tasted so nasty that we had to force each other to eat them. I still wonder today why someone thought it was okay to take him away from us! For the first couple weeks I couldn't do anything. My insides felt exhausted and my outsides felt beaten.

Since the accident I have spent countless nights awake sobbing. I stay strong throughout the day for my parents and brothers but at night time there's nothing holding me back. I have bottled up so much anger and frustration that I am waiting for the day I explode. At the time I heard Jake tell me Jonah was dead I felt time stop ticking, and its yet to start again. Each and every day I wish there was something I could say or do to get him back, I'm lost inside because I know O cannot. For a little over a week after the accident happened my life consisted of spending time with family and Jonah's close friends, there's alot of us. We sat around the house sharing stories and remembering things he used to say and do. There's so much to be said about the Jonah we know and love. I had talked to Jonah earlier the day of his accident. He was asking to borrow money to go out to the Mountain and let loose a little. I lent him a hundren dollars. Jonah asked both me and Jake if we planned on going out to the mountain at all, we said no then I thought about it Jonah would be drinking.

KNowing that he wanted to get a ride from the mountain I said I would be in the area and able to get a ride to him to drive him in his car where he needed to go. He was okay with that, I was fine with it too, even though I have no license and I'm on probation. I figured he's better off if I'm driving and I'll think about me getting pulled over later. Around 7:30 I was with some friends watching a movie, I turned my phone on silent I missed his 8:15 call and he drove. Five minutes later at 8:20 I checked my phone, I called him back three or four times and texted him twice, no answer. 9:30 I got the call that he was gone. For the rest of my life I am going to blame myself, Jonah shouldn't have died that night. If I wouldn't have turned my phone on silent he would still be here today. My life is a living hell without him, and it will be until the day that I'm able to apologize. If you have lost a loved one you know the pain I feel, if you haven't I hope you never will.