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The Pepsi Guy

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Some girls say “Oh My God, my dad is so embarrassing!” They have no idea.
Everybody knows my dad as The Pepsi Guy! Every time we go out to eat someone always has to say, “Look it’s the “Pepsi Guy” they don’t even know his real name for heavens sake. He takes this as a compliment, and he’s the only man on the face of the Earth that would!
Now let’s talk about when we go into Wal Mart. People I’ve never seen in my entire life will greet him, and they will talk for about an hour. By the time we leave the dang store a century has gone by. When I ask him, “Who’s that?” He responds by saying, “Oh Shanaye I forgot their names, but I know them.” Imagine that!
Time to discuss that one time I introduced my boyfriend to him. One word to describe this occasion, HUMILIATION!! So I introduce the two of them, and my dad reaches for his “rusty knife.” Then he explains to my boyfriend what the “rusty knife” is actually for. Of course me and this boyfriend of mine eventually broke up. Today guess who’s best friends with that ex boyfriend of mine, MY DAD! Go figure.
One day we’re cruising and we see some of my friends from school, they’re guys. I wave to them, so my dad pulls over and shakes their hands, and goes on with the whole “what’s up ese?” This whole time I’m sitting the truck and all that is going through my mind is what the heck! When we take off I tell him, “You know those are my friends, right?” His reply, “They’re mine too!” My reply, “Oh yeah, how?” His reply, “Cause I’m the Pepsi Guy, and I give them the hook up when I see them.” I should have known.
This guy can probably out eat an elephant. He makes people regret having an all you can eat buffet. He will eat about three enormous plates piled as tall as a giraffe. For Thanksgiving I cannot sit next to him, because the way he eats just disgusts me! Once he’s full, he’s still not done. He will wait for an hour and then get two more plates. If you ever see this sight, I’m warning you turn away as fast as possible, because you will projectile vomit.
During football season usually the men watch all the games. Correct? Not in this family, my mom will be screaming at the television, while my dad is baking a cake.
There was this one time, we were at Wal-Mart and we were in the hygiene area. I was looking at the shampoos and in the corner of my eye I saw a group of hot guys walking by. Before I even got the chance to speak to one of them, the Pepsi guy embarrasses me yet again. He shouts out loud “What kind do you need Kotex or Tampax?” That tops one of the most mortifying moments in my life, EVER! As you can imagine these hotties burst into laughter and walk away from me. No the Pepsi guy didn’t care, I was dying from humiliation, he was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his face.
To all those girls who think their father is embarrassing, trying having this Pepsi guy as your dad. I’m sure your fathers don’t carry around a “rusty knife” I’m sure he doesn’t think he’s a teenager, and he probably won’t eat an entire buffet. The truth is, even though the Pepsi guy is my dad, I couldn’t ask for a better one. Believe it or not I’m getting used to his childish pranks, and him being the Pepsi guy.





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