You sat next to me in math class. We silently listened as the teacher lectured us about not only numbers, but important life lessons as well. As the assignments were being handed out you would tap my shoulder and ask if you could borrow a pen. I opened my binder and wordlessly handed you some sort of writing utensil. You really were nothing to me. I thought of you as some gangly, overly social, unprepared kid that I happened to sit next to. You never crossed my mind outside of that classroom. I doubt you knew my name, because I did not know yours. Soon enough the summer came and passed, and once again there you were, in my health class seated just one spot to my right. I would lend you a pencil nearly every single day of that year. We would have short, meaningless conversations between Ms. T’s many rants. I tried to be kind and likeable towards you, but only for one reason: I knew that you were friends with a crush that I’d had for quite some time. I had been hoping that you might mention me in his presence and he may possibly acknowledge my existence. But you still held no significant value in my life. You were a tall, awkwardly cute acquaintance of mine. The seasons changed and with them so did I. Over the summer I had obtained new friends, a new look, and a new confidence. I walked to my third period on the first day of a new school year and I saw you. I think we may have exchanged a slight wave and a possible smile as I took my seat across the room. Throughout the day I discovered we shared three classes, and you sat directly in front of me in two of them. My new clique was slightly intermingled with yours so I felt slightly more connected to you. We have chatted on Facebook a couple of times recently and I have developed an infatuation for you. I am aware that you do not share these same feelings. I am sure that to you I am still just a nameless girl that always has a pencil ready for use. And I am okay with this, what more should I expect? I just don’t understand why I feel an aching pain in my chest as I see you hold her hand and your love struck smile mirrors hers. I am not used to these feelings and I do not wish to further investigate them. So for now I lay my head on my desk and turn up my iPod to forget the storm of confusing emotions that are raging inside.
April 17, 2010