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So Much of IT!

"Ring, ring, ring, ring!" The phone was ringing. My mom answered the phone, waited until the person was done talking and gasped. I looked up from my homework at the kitchen table to my mother. Once mom was done on the phone she looked sad. "Mom," I said almost in a whisper "What's wrong?" She looked at me and said "Your grandfather fell." I automatically knew right then and there that it was bad. Grandpa falls so many times it's not even countable!
So I went back to school and then there was a phone call at school for me to get my book bag and coat out of my locker, my teacher Miss Baase knew me well and asked if I was going to be alright. I told her that I didn't know at all! I was shaking while still under Miss Baase's stare. As soon as I was done I ran and gave Miss Baase a hug and went to find my mother.
I walked out the doors and she was there waiting for me with the trunk of our silver KIA open. I put my bag in the trunk and went to the front passenger side door, opened it, and got in. I sat quiet until we were out of sight from the school. Finally I said "Mom what's happened now?" You see after my grandpa fell the last time he was put into the hospital. My mom looked out into the distance as she said "Allie I know you think that something happened, but nothing did, I just wanted to take you to see him." I looked at my mother while she was fighting the tears. I took her hand. I could tell that by her shaking hand it was going to happen soon; my grandfather was going to leave us and meet his creater;god: the father, the son, and the holy spirit. I, me, the strong one out of my friends; started crying. My sobs filled the car. My mother squeezed my hand.
When we got to the hospital my eye's and my cheeks were all red, but then again when weren't they? You see my dad has got him a temper! Well, he passed that temper along to me and my cheeks were always red or pink with some emotion. We got out of the car, not holding hands anymore. I shoved my hands into my jeans pockets. I had noticed that my older cousin Joey wasn't in school. When we got to the elevators Joey and his mom were standing there waiting for us. I ran up to Joey and hugged him tight, for I was crying quietly...again. He squeezed me so hard I thought he was going to crush my spine! His mom and my mom were hugging each other and crying too! My mom and Joey's mom are sisters.
Once we got on the floor he was on Joey walked ahead of our mothers, I stayed on his heels all the way. I walked into the family waiting room. Some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins were there...and so were my brother and sister and my sister's daughter. I ran across the floor without making a noise. I embraced them both not knowing how much they knew, but I could tell that they knew lots more than I did at that time. My niece was reaching for me so I took her she said my name and leaned down. I knew what she met; so I set her down. My aunt took Joey to my grandpa’s room. After a while they came back and Joey was crying. I got tears in my eye’s cuz I’ve not seen him cry since we were really, really little kids. I got the taste just a little hint of how much death really is hard to deal with, but tangible, for the most part.

My mom let me calm down a bit, and then told me that my grandpa didn’t have very much time left with us. My mom and her siblings decided to let my grandpa die a peaceful death. A lot of people from churches came to the hospital that night. You see my grandpa was very well known because he was a pastor for many churches. I wish I was there for his final moments. I walked into his room he looked at me when I came in and I ran to his bed gently gave him a hug. It was one of the last hugs I would ever give him until I die. I gave him a final hug and then left the room. My mom stayed behind while I walked out with my brother. I gave him a hug and we both were crying again. He had to get something to eat, so I walked him to the elevators and then went back to the waiting room. After a while my mom decided to take me home and my brother went there with me. Then the next night I was home with my dad when it happened again; “Ring, ring, ring, ring!” My dad walked in my room a while later. “Allie,” he said with strong emotion “Your grandpa passed away a bit ago.” He hugged me and then left the room. It felt like it was End. The END of everything. I missed a week of school. I’m still not okay. Everything went into overdrive.

One minute it was the day my grandpa died, the next it was his funeral. At the viewing the day before I wrote down some stuff that he use to say to me in good times and in bad. At the funeral the preacher said everyone else’s first, mine was next to last. The preacher said “Well we all know that Wayne was a much loved man.” After a moment he read mine aloud, “Alexandra,” he began with my first real name people call me Allie for short. “Said I remember my grandpa. He use to call me goofy, and hilarious names that we use to make jokes about such as; monkey-shine; scaly-wag; and many other assorted one’s. My grandpa was one great man!” he finished and a lot of my family turned their heads and looked at me. They all had tears in their red eye’s again. One of my cousins grabbed my hand and sqeezed it. She of course is way younger than me, but at some points in time is the only one who really understands me.

I looked at my mother and father after a while to realize they both were crying. I had seen my dad cry but not as much as this. His crying was very quiet as is mine for the most part, when I can control it. I looked both of them up and down, they looked proud that I had put in a few words. After that I zoned out a bit dazed because I still, even at his funeral, couldn’t believe he was gone! After the pastor was done saying the last of his sentences the song “I can only imagine.” Came on. All of my closest cousins of us girls and I ; along with my big sister; were crying….well more or less balling our thick heads off. We left to go to the graveyard in our SMALL town Manton. I desided after it was done I had to take a little walk. I found a bench out in the open and sat down there. It over looked so many things. The trees being beautiful, the weeds and other plants such as the grass were swaying in the wind. I would have loved to stay safe and oblivious to what had happened and stay in this safe and some what enchanted environment, but it did have a lot of dead people there too. There’s just SO MUCH OF IT! I had to look away, but where? I thought to myself. I finally looked up to the sky, just then I felt warmth. The clouds were making an opening for the sun. It went in almost a circle around me and the bench, and it went to where the casket of my grandfather was too. I looked down at my hand, for I had felt something touch it, and then a peck on my cheek…as if a kiss goodbye. I looked all around me bewildered, but no one was near me. Later on I remember my favorite quote the one I had read one of my favorite my favorite book series; It said : “People die…so love them everyday, Beauty fades…so look before it’s gone, Love Changes…but not the love you give, And if you love, You will never be alone.” I told myself just to remember that. And I do. My life and countless others have changed so much. From one extreme to the next. And now I have a feeling it’s going to be my father, my aunt, or one of my uncles next. I know life is hard, but it’s really not that bad if you try to enjoy it. You just need your life to really begin!

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame….. The gift is yours-it is an amazing journey and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

I now go to Northern Light Church of God in Cadillac, Michigan. My church family has helped me a bit along with my family, extended family, and my friends. They all really helped me cope. I still have trouble and so does my mom. Just don’t give up on what you truly believe in. And don’t forget that even death can be tangible…well sometimes.




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allie.vgr1994 said...
May 4, 2010 at 11:34 am:
This is about my grandpa and I love him so much...all my true friends were there for me at that time and I would do the same as them!
 
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