Breakup Advice (The Second

January 10, 2010
By , Putnam, IL
So, on request by a few of my more adept readers, here is my second work, originally named Breakup Advice (The Second). When my parents told me that I had a knack for original names, I should have believed them.
Now, also on requests by those readers were a few different subjects. These don't relate to breaking up with someone, like the title suggests. This article refers to other closely related subjects like cheating, meeting the parents, first dates, asking out, and just messing with someone who likes you (all requested). I kept the name Breakup Advice so you might know where it came from.
Cheating. How many people have honestly cheated on someone? The number is probably higher than you might think. Here is some advice on cheating. This is my advice for those people that cheat. DON'T CHEAT. Enough said? I thought so too. For those that have been cheated on, there is a little bit more to it. I myself have never cheated, and I frankly could not tell you if someone that I have dated has ever cheated on me, but I do know for those that have been cheated on, that it hurts. It probably makes you feel useless, un-needed, and generally like crap. As I've heard before, if that person can not just date one, amazing person, and decided there is enough of them to go around for two people, then they are full of themselves. If that person would give everything they've got to the person that they promised a relationship to first, then they wouldn't feel some open space that they feel only another person could fill. If you've been cheated on, first, find out why. That is the simplest of things you can do. A good, honest reason gives you a whole other viewpoint to any story. If they chose to cheat just because they're full of themselves, resist poisoning their drink with rat-killer and sleep soundly knowing that you are better than they are, and will always find a better, sound relationship without any catches.
Next I'll move on to messing with someone who likes you. This is the epitomy picture of someone believing they have all the power in the world and relishing it. If you are on the recieving end of this power-hungry person, put your foot down. Stop them in their tracks. If you are emotionally strong enough to throw your heart out to this person and they play monkey in the middle with it, just stop. Now you can do two sensible things here (I say sensible because shooting them, burning them with your curling iron, or hurting them in any way is not sensible, although quite satisfying (: ), you can just stop what your doing, and severe your ties with that person. If they were your friend, poor choice!!! Your friend should care more about you. Secondly, you can get back in your own way, but more importantly in a way that would make them realize that what they have been doing is wrong. There is still light at the end of that tunnel for them.
Moving right along, next comes asking someone out. This single process would have to be the most important, seeing as how without this simple, yet intricately planned beginning, the whole relationship wouldn't exist in the first place. This may take days, maybe weeks of planning for this one single moment. If this person likes you, they've been thinking of either when you will ask, or when it would be a good time for them to ask. As a guy, I usually find it to be my job to ask out the girl. Girls, you shouldn't have to worry about asking any guys out. The guys have the b***s, and that means it is THEIR JOB. So, if you are dating a guy without these little miracle workers, then yes, the job is then yours to ask the other out. But in general, different people accept different things when they are being asked out. Some people go for the romantic moment, others for a place or idea that the two of you share common thoughts for, and some couldn't care less. I myself am all for the romantic moment, waiting 2 months for my first kiss in my first real relationship. I waited until our band ski trip and I waited all day with my heart fluttering in my chest until we were on a ski lift, towards the end of the day. I felt quite accomplished with myself afterwords and as giddy as a schoolgirl. But for that moment when you ask the person out, that all depends on the person. Use the knowledge of the person that you've spent so much of your time with. But in the end, you just got to do it, hold your breath, gather your wits, don't forget not to mumble, and go get 'em tiger! But once it's said and done, and you are finally with that person, you can always smile and nod to the friend that you've brought along and tell them, "The condor has landed."
Chronilogicly, next comes your first date. this is only usually a problem for the people that you don't know. People you meet and should get to know more, so decide on a date. You pick a day and look forward to it all week, but for most normal people, you wake up that day, and you are sore. Then you spill your cereal. THen you bomb 3 tests and are on the verge of suicide by the time of your date. We don't know why it happens, but it just does. Maybe its just Karma. It makes you have a bad day, but then an amazing evening. But why-ever it works that way, the world may never know. But all you can do, is spruce up, clean shaven for the guys, clean shaven for the girls too. Just because you're wearing jeans doesn't mean you girls don't need to shave. Things may lead to another, after all. Guys, take that extra moment to comb your hair.... No, I said comb. C-O-M-B. That's a little stick with these little sticks that sort your hair in lines. Not to be confused with your hand. And girls, do what you do, but just don't smother yourself with makeup. If you smother yourself with makeup, then you might as well throw a paper bag over your face because you are covering up what you really are. But don't get me wrong, guys like a little makeup. Keyword, "little". Next, just go and have a good time. And as for that first date, and what's exceptable on that first date, that's for you to take a chance. They can't blame you if you took a step that they weren't prepared for. But after that kiss, either they want more or they don't, and you have to read their body language to find out what their motives are. Because unless they are me (who is quite frank. I believe in telling somebody how i feel rather and asking them how they feel rather then wasting untold time trying to find out if they even like you or not), then they are just going to sit there and watch the movie *if that's what your first date is*. Also, you must pick the place of the date based on what you know of that person. Sometimes a date to to movies isn't always the best. It is most certainly the easiest, but there are many other things you can do! Don't forget your options.
Finally! The last subject! You've been dating for a month, maybe less, and it's finally the most dreaded moment that many people face. Meeting the parents. It's like Meet the Focker's all over again. Most people have seen that movie, but you shouldn't let it get to you. It is just a comedic outlook on a well known embarassing moment. Guys, there is one single moment that we dread, and its the meeting of and the approval of the father. It all starts with the first look. His eyes are reading you like an open book. He's looking for tatoos, earings, ear piercings, scars, dialated eyes, your breath. EVERYTHING. He's looking for any signs that you aren't a perfect guy trying to date his little princess. It doesn't matter if his little princess is gothic and has more earings on her face then all the people you've ever seen combined, she is still his little princess, and nothing will change that. After you get past the retinal scan, blood tests, urine tests, and finger print scan, you are entered into the next part of the approval process: the dreaded hand shake. As a man, they tell you to shake a man's hand firmly. Too soft is bad, he'll think you are weak and puny. Too strong and he'll know you are over doing it, either meaning that you are nervous, or the more horrible of the two, that you are taking a step into his Alpha dominance. This is bad, very BAD. Abort Abort Abort. If you manage to pass phase 2, good job soldier, but you ain't out of the jungle yet. Next comes the hot seat. The girl's mother manages to drag her off to the kitchen giving the two men some random excuse that she needs her for. Guess what, that leaves you and daddy alone in the living room. It's question time.
"Have a seat, son," he'll ask you. And then the awkward silence and awkward questions commence. Some fathers are more subtle about these questions then others, but no matter what, it comes down to rhetorical questions. He knows that you will be doing things with his princess, but there is only one thing he can do to stop you. He'll threaten you subtly and quietly until the color drains from your face and it seems as if you are talking to death itself. Then, after what seems like forever, your girlfriend comes in with her mother and the awkward moments cease. Your girlfriend looks at her father with ice cold eyes, knowing that he's just threatened you to within an inch of your life. "We were just talking about you," he'll conclude, getting up from his favorite leather chair. "We'll leave you to the T.V." Once they leave the room, you released the breath that you had been holding since the moment you walked over the threshold. You have passed the test. You are free.
For girls, you have nothing to worry about! At least compared to the men. I know that sounds biased, but come on! All the girl has to do is simply TALK to the parents. Just TALK. Parents like it when your boyfriend or girlfriend TALK to them. That's all you need to do. Just TALK.

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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

BethaniA said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 1:33 pm
wow, that is alot of help
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 11:40 pm
a lot of help to you or just a lot of help? haha
Weasleylover1 said...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I really enjoyed this one! Very clever, and it addresses the core relationship problems people have. I liked the Meet The Fockers refrence. very well done!
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 11:40 pm
thanks dearie haha
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 22, 2010 at 4:41 pm
you are quite welcome =) definitely keep writting
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 1:31 am
ha thanks. i'll try. so what you been up to?
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 8:38 pm
writting of course =) haha i just submitted a new story, but its "pending approval" so im waiting for that to go through. are you working on anything new?
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 9:25 am
well, i'd like to be working on my main story, a novel, if you will, but i used to work on the in my study hall, and i'd get about a page done a day. But this semester i don't have a study hall so i haven't found the time to work on it, with sports (bball) and homework and video games (i am an avid video gamer haha), i can't find the time
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 3:07 pm
yeah i completely understand! i play lacrosse, and its hard to write when you have so much going on. fortunetly for me, i'm taking a creative writting class, so im able to get some writting in
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 11:02 pm
ha ya. hows your lacross then? i'm guessing your quite athletic then? and smart too haha. i will be taking a creative class next year. not soon enough for me lol
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm
haha lacrosse is going very well, thanks for asking. I suppose im pretty athletic, but i have to admitt, i enjoy reading and writting a lot more. thanks for the compliment, you are quite smart yourself =) yeah, it must be brutal to wait a year, but it will be worth it!
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:00 pm
no prob. hmm...actually, i wrote a short story about a guy named sam oltman, a completely random name, finding a girl online and marrying her. I wanted to make it into a novel over time. want to check it out, if you know what i mean? :) i think he found her on facebook. :P
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 26, 2010 at 3:52 pm
oh really? sounds like a pretty great story ;) hahah so im guessing you have a facebook? facebook me. i dont remember my url thing, but ill look it up, and then post another comment =)
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 26, 2010 at 4:20 pm
haha ok, so i sent you a friend request on facebook, but im not entirely sure its if you get a friend request from a "hannah", then its me =)
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 26, 2010 at 10:00 pm
okay, ill have to thank that "hannah"
Weasleylover1 replied...
Jan. 27, 2010 at 3:55 pm
well i know Hannah pretty dang well, and she says your welcome. haha
White_Shadow replied...
Jan. 27, 2010 at 6:59 pm
..... X) ......
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