Pottery Barn Outfitted Their Lives

August 27, 2009
By IAteTheApple SILVER, Great Neck, New York
IAteTheApple SILVER, Great Neck, New York
6 articles 4 photos 3 comments

I decided today while perusing a Pottery Barn catalogue that the aforementioned furniture mogul is actually the root of all evil. I frequently ask myself while I'm running (especially during races) "Why did I join this godforsaken team?" and now I finally have my answer. I've always admired Pottery Barn-- not for their lovely furniture-- but for the way they subtly suggest that the people who live in their rooms take great joy in being Honor Roll students and the MVP of their school's every sports team. Or at least that's what it looks like. Why else would they market a specialized trophy case (matches Lilac Bedroom Furniture Set!) or feature corkboards strewn with the evidence of some heinous crime-- I mean, major accomplishment-- like being both tan and surfer-ish, as well as an award winning horseback rider? Real people like that do not exist, I tell myself, but then who is buying these things? I can just imagine the girl who lives in one of these utopian bedrooms snuggling in for the night in her Watercolor Paisley Bedding (with matching sham!) and thinking, Ahhh! Isn't it good to be the lead of the school play... and MVP of the soccer team... and MVP of the volleyball team... and an avid photographer?

After seeing all of this, who would be satisfied just to be me, the lowly astro-geek? I play flute, yes, but that's hardly enough to make me worthy of lounging on one of their Preppy Polka Dot Bean Bags.

It was on this panicked note that I "facebooked" my friend with an urgent, "When are you getting home from India?!" If she doesn't make it back to the states (and I don't mean in a useless jetlagged condition either!) before Cross Country season starts, I may just spontaneously combust one day at practice.
On the bright side, I recently proved to myself that I can run a 4K in 20:30 without actually acting on the impulse to vomit (which, sadly, is an accomplishment for me). Also happily noted, there will be incoming freshmen on the team, who, barring superhuman powers unknown to me, shouldn't be too fast. Oh, right. I forgot. The incoming freshmen, or at least the only one who will probably join the team, is superhuman. She was faster than me before the joined the team. Then again, in my defense, she was faster than most people in the county by that point.

For most trackies, running in circles is something they do to win. For me, it's something I do to, well, run in circles. I guess I'm in for another season again of ending up where I started. Because I'm still chasing the imaginary girl who lives in my Pottery Barn room that I don't deserve.

The author's comments:
I run on a treadmill, both literally and figuratively. But at least if I write about it, it's not a wasted effort.

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