In God's Loving Arms

July 15, 2009
By Renae BRONZE, Wauneta, Nebraska
Renae BRONZE, Wauneta, Nebraska
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Within the month of may I dreaded every day that came closer to the 30th. I searched for weeks for the perfect thing to lay by him. I didn’t want to give him some fake flowers that blow away in the wind as the days go by, I wanted to give him something permanent, something that I will see every single time I go to visit him. Some how nothing seemed good enough. On May 30th it was one year, one year since a child’s life was ended forever here on earth. Tanner Boe G. died May 30th, 2008 while sleeping in his crib. Its something that no one likes to think about but in reality it happens every day all around the world. It is a different story when a child dies and no one likes to hear about it. Tanner was eleven months old and this is the story.

I am best friends with the whole G. family and they treat me like their own. I am truly blessed that I have such close friends that I can trust and turn to anytime that I am in need. Tanner’s father and mother already were parents before him so father, mother and her little girl moved to where Tanner‘s father‘s two girls lived and the two of them god married. Sometime later the mother and the little girl moved away with out the family knowing of the life that was growing in her stomach. Tanner was born on July 10, 2008. The mother and her beautiful little girl and baby boy moved back to be with the father and they were all happy together again. Mike longed for a boy after already having two daughters of his own and was delighted to find out that Tanner was indeed, a boy.

One night everyone went to bed and said good-night not knowing what would come of the next day. “Hello?” “Hey could you come over? I need you!” As I walked up the alley to my best friend’s house she ran up to me and gave me a hug and with out knowing what was wrong I asked, “What’s wrong?” “Tanners gone, he’s gone.” My mind was filled with uncertainty and I still didn’t understand what was going on. “Where did he go?” “Tanners dead, he died this morning in his crib.” As the nine words came out of her mouth I just stood there taking a few seconds to understand what she was telling me considering it was hard coming from someone who was sobbing hysterically. One month Tanner has been here to meet his family and he is just taken away from them forever. That is no where near enough time to get to know somebody and he just disappears. The thought of a dead child haunts anyone considerably but seeing so many people in that much pain makes it ten times worse. How can an eleven month old child just die? He didn’t even get the chance to live his life, he barely even begun it and that’s all gone now. Tanner didn’t even get the chance to turn one, he was one month away from it.

As I took those steps up to the church stairs, I begun to get scared. Every step I took terrified me even more. I don’t deal well with deaths and I am not good with showing my emotions but some how not crying would seem cruel. No matter what, I knew I had to do my best and be there for the family considering that they do a lot for me and have been there for me when ever I needed it of them. People always say that they try and make the family feel better but that statement bothers me. How can you make the death of a baby any better? There is no emotional or physical way that you could make the situation any better, all you can do is not let the family go through it alone. Be there for them because crying is a sad thing considering sadness is what makes you cry but what’s even sadder is crying alone. With the loud cry of the family remaining in the background, I thought to myself “how could God do this to an innocent little baby who barely even got to taste life?”. I sat there thinking hard for a explanation of why He would do this and I came up with nothing. The nothingness was not just an emptiness in my mind but literally nothing, empty darkness and that scared me. I couldn’t just let that go so I prayed to God for an explanation and ended it with again, nothing. I became very angry with God and said to myself, “he really didn’t have an reason to take that baby boy”.

After seeing many tears fall from the faces whom I knew so well and mine as well, we headed out to the cemetery to lay Tanner to rest. Tanner’s big sister didn’t understand where he had gone to. With out knowing she asked her mother where he went and when is he going to come back and those who heard wished they didn’t and the tears started to fall even harder. I spent the rest of the day with the family and just being there for them through it all while remaining angry with God. That night I poured my heart out to God for an answer to my questions and soon it became clear. All of this was in God’s plan from day 1. He has a purpose for everything and a plan for everyone. Tanner was born to die on May 30, 2008 and that was it, that was his purpose and I know that God wouldn’t just take someone after fulfilling their purpose without them remaining happy after their death. Tanner Boe Gentry is in Heaven now and is now in God’s loving arms for eternity. It may never go known but Tanner’s death was planned to benefit somehow. His death helped the future in God’s plan.

Its been one year and earlier and I drove out to the cemetery to place that something that took me so long to find but in the end was so simple. What could be anymore greater than a scripture by the book its self, the Bible. What is anymore greater than His words after all, this was all his doing and it may seem bad and always will be a tragedy but God’s work is great. He will always be sure that we get through every obstacle that comes our way. Tanner Boe G. may be gone but he is forever in God’s loving arms.

The author's comments:
Death is hard for everyone and its understandible that sometimes its hard to see the good of it. I love to write and anything that is emotionally moving is ispirational with out no doubt. I wanted to get this out to other people for Tanner so he knows that he is loved by many. I hope the reader will learn someting out of it and be moved by it although it doesnt come close to the real experiance. I am sure many others have had to go through a difficult loss and I hope this helps them.

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