Guardian Angel

July 9, 2009
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It was silent, but it felt good. His lips were so close to mine, his warm breath saturating the strands of my hair. I wanted to lean in, to close the space between our lips with a kiss. But i was locked in his gaze. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, and i knew mine looked the same. But even so his eyes were beautiful, they held mine in a grasp so strong i couldn't blink.


He leaned in and touched his lips to mine It was a light kiss, like a butterfly grazing my skin. I loved it. I loved that finally the sorrow was gone, that i could just forget. But nothing was long enough to bury the pain, even the best kiss in the world couldn't save me from the pain. And just like that, too soon, he pulled away. And the crushing pain resurfaced.


“I can't believe this is happening.” I murmured. Our foreheads were pressed together, and the tears had started again. Mine were back on, full flow. He tried to suppress his as best as possible, yet still a few leaked out from the corner of his eyes.


He gently wiped a few of my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “Abby, I know this is gonna take some getting used to. But i promise I'll be okay. I'm starting Chemotherapy tomorrow, and my doctor thinks he caught the leukemia in time.”


That didn't stop my tears from flowing. I couldn't look at Nate anymore. Not without seeing a gravestone. I stared down at our shoes instead. The light of the summer day was slipping away behind an expanse of trees, darkening the steps we were perched upon. I knew that it was just a matter of time before it became completely dark. I wasn't ready to leave him just yet.


He took my head in both his hands and lifted my face to look at his. His lips were closer than i expected, and i was stunned. Before i could get over the element of surprise, he leaned in and kissed me again. This kiss scared me. It was harder, i could taste the desperation in this kiss. He was scared, scared that we wouldn't have much time left together, scared that he didn't have much time left on this earth. I grabbed his face with such a force it surprised even me. I pulled his face away from mine and stared back into his eyes. This time i wasn't afraid that I'd see only a gravestone where my boyfriend sat, because no matter what i needed to look him in the eyes. I needed to be there for him.


“Nate,” i whispered, my voice growing hoarse. “I love you. And things will work out, i promise. You are going to make it through this,” I started crying again. “and i will be there with you every step of the way.”


Nate just stared at me, and i could see that something that i had said had helped. His eyes, the eyes that i had grown so found of, the eyes that i knew inside and out, looked hopeful. They shone with happiness. He reached up and lightly traced my lips with his fingers. I closed my eyes and leaned in. And before i knew it we were kissing again. Only this kiss was different from the first two. It wasn't a desperate kiss, it wasn't a gentle kiss, it was a happy kiss. He and i both knew that whatever happened, we'd have eachother. And that made even the worst of demons disappear.


Our tears returned but they weren't tears of fright. They were tears s of relief. As long as we were together, holding hands, we'd never be apart. And we both smiled at this, as we continued to kiss.





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despurlock This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2009 at 7:20 pm
This is beautiful! It really hits home with me. My mom had leukemia. I can sympathize completely. I hope and pray everything turns out good. This piece should definately be published, it is beautifully written and the topic swells the heart. Phenomeanal job!
 
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