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Dear Friend,

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If there is one thing you should know about me after all these years that we have been friends, it’s that I hate endings. I hate the endings to movies, to plays, to books. Sometimes I’ll even read the last page of a book over and over again just because the final sentence never sounds perfect with nothing following it. And so I guess my whole dilemma might just begin there. See what happened was everyday little things happened and I never thought anything of it until suddenly I looked at my life and realized, everything is changing, it all happened. I became overwhelmed with this deep feeling of loss, wanting all those days and all those years back. If I could really have it my way, I’d let every moment last a little bit longer, just a tiny bit so maybe I’d enjoy it more. Now though, I lay here, in the middle of a vacant room. A room that used to be alive, that now seems dead, packed up and put away. Look over there, in the corner of the room, that’s my life. My life all put away in boxes, brown paper boxes, wrapped up and put away. In a few minutes, I’ll watch those people take all I have and drive it somewhere new, unfamiliar, and I’ll just sit here with a vacuous stare.

I don’t have a fear of moving. The whole idea sounds quite exciting at times when I think about it real late at night. However, I am afraid that someday all these memories and all these moments will become like reels of film in my mind being played out like a movie until someday they won’t feel like my own thoughts anymore…I’ll never forget you, don’t worry. I’m just scared that someday this won’t feel real. This very moment right here, just because as we grow up life becomes more of a mess, more of a drag, there’s more people always talking about nothing, caring about things that they’ll just end up watching disappear. You’re the only person that makes me feel real, makes me not care anymore when there is a heavy weight in my chest. There is something about friendship that goes beyond any shallow explanation. No one may understand it, but we do, right now we do.

I haven’t accepted much yet. Maybe I’m too stubborn or naive to begin understanding the reality in which I am living in. I know people move all the time. I know I’m not dealing with an unexplored fate. Lately, I’ve been dark and brooding thinking about the best way to say goodbye, trying to fathom an end. I sat pondering situations, wondering how I could do it as if it needed to be a planned speech. None of that matters now. Yet, as I look to you there is something I realize, something I was unable to explain until just now. If there were no endings, there would be nothing. There would have been no beginning, no middle, nothing. Nothing to make me realize, with all my heart, that the things that I can’t imagine ever ending will, but as tragically beautiful it is I will always see the things that are truly important to me. Even if it is all beyond me, beyond us, I now know what I have to fight for. Goodbye for now, best friend.





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