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Dear Mom

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Dear Mom,
I've tried. I've done everything I can think of to make you stop drinking. I yelled at you, I fought with you, and I even left you. But nothing works. My life is revolving around your disease. Alcoholism sucks, and I know it's not entirely your fault you do the things that you do, but it's not mine either. I found out in the newspaper what you tried to do to yourself today. You tried to jump of a bridge. But luckily the police stopped you. How is that fair? You can just decided to end your life. You have a family, kids, and friends. How dare you think that it's ok for you to just decide to do something as selfish as that? I know you've cut your wrists before, but this bridge jumping is something entirely different. I love you and I hate you all at once. Im glad you were taken to the hospital before you had a chance to kill youself, but I can only wonder what if? What if the police didn't stop you. What if you did jump? What if I did go to your funeral? As I'm writing this, I realize what having an alcoholic mother has done to me. I lost huge parts of my childhood. I learned to lie about your disease to Dad and everyone else who asks about you. I locked myself in my room whenever I saw you drinking. I took my anger out on the rest of my family when you deserved it. I learned to turn my heart cold to keep from getting dissapointed. I learned methods to keep myself from crying. And most of all, I learned that no matter how much you hurt me, I can't stop loving or worrying about you no matter how much I try. So please Mom, do good in rehab and lets make a sober life for you.





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notebookgirl said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I can't say it any better than NotThatGirl but I would also like to add that even though i did not necessarily enjoy reading it its going in my favorites
 
NotThatGirl said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 11:34 pm
This is heartbreaking.
 
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