Looking Back

January 7, 2009
By Anonymous

Am I still the same person that I was freshman year?

After rummaging through tons and tons of baby pictures to put in the yearbook, I stumbled upon a carton that was labeled Adrianna 05-09. I later found out from my mom that she had done this for my older brother, Charlie, my older sister, Alyssa, and now she was going to do it for me. Any event that my mom attended and pictures were taken- she put them in the carton so i could look back on my high school years. Opening the box, I figured there weren’t going to be a lot of pictures my mom doesn’t usually have a camera besides for my junior prom. When I finally had the courage to open up the box, I was amazed at how many pictures were in there. They were pretty much falling out of the box because there wasn’t enough room.. I was glad that I was downstairs alone looking through this because the pictures that were in there were truly embarrassing. My face began to turn red as I found some pictures from my freshman year at RBC.

The first day of school freshman year, I woke up early in the morning to get ready. When I tried putting in my contacts, my eyes kept rejecting them and would spit them back out. I had been wearing glasses since I was in first grade and during the summer going into my freshman year I decided to get contacts. As I was waiting for my bus to arrive, I was still trying to get the contact into my eye. Half an hour later, they weren’t going in so I just wore my glasses to school. The picture my mom captured of me on that first day of high school was a real treat. My glasses and braces made the picture even better. Going into high school, weighing almost 100 pounds, I was extremely awkward. Conversations didn’t come to me easily and I would stutter if ever someone tried talking to me. Making friends wasn’t really a big issue, but holding conversations with them in person made me nervous, so I just didn’t talk. Sometimes, during those freshman soccer games, when I was wide open and wanted the ball, I wouldn’t open my mouth. The one time I did do it, I took a shot and missed the goal completely, so I chose to keep my mouth shut.. I know this makes it sound like I didn’t have any friends and no one liked me but people did. I was just extremely shy and an all around nervous girl.

When I picked up the first picture, I saw that it was a picture of me and my sister from the first day of school. She is picking me up in her arms and my hands are hung out to the side. I don’t know why we were both had so much energy that early in the morning. The only thing that I say that that energy has died for me. Thinking about the first day of school with all of the upper classmen being there was a thought that made me quiver inside. What would I do when I saw the seniors? Would I say hi to them? Would they call me a dumb freshman? Arriving late to school on the first day did not work out well for me. My bus driver wound up showing up at the stops twenty minutes late. So instead of getting to school at 7:50, like we were supposed to, we showed up at 8:10. Panic struck the bus as we pulled up to school and saw no one outside of school. Meanwhile all the upper classmen were telling the bus driver to keep driving slowly so they didn’t have to show up to school for the first day. Some boy on my bus told them to hurry up and that he didn’t want to be late, they made his life a mess for the next three years that they were there.

As I picked up the next picture it was from the freshman semi formal that was held in the school BSA. But in this picture there is a boy by my side that I barely even know anymore. In the picture we are both smiling, braces glowing from the flash that comes from the camera. within two years we would be complete strangers. Dating from almost two years and you act like the other person doesn’t exist. This boy standing next to me was not only my boyfriend he was my best friend. I could talk to him about everything and anything. It didn’t matter when or what time it was but I knew that whenever I needed someone to talk to I could call him. We broke up. The only change present in this picture could not be seen. This relationship was built around love and trust and it was broken. Looking at this picture makes me realize that one of these people is not the same person that they were freshman year. You figured that the people who meant the most to you would stay in your life as long as you needed them to be there. But no one is guaranteed who is going to stay in their lives and who is going to leave.

Looking through this box of old pictures make wonder. Will I be looking at pictures of myself when I’m a senior in college from freshman year? But as I walk down the isle for graduation, I look around at my friends, family, teachers, and principal. I remember walking into school and seeing these people for the first time, as a freshman. Change has happened to me, and change will keep happening to me for the better. Changing into a woman has happened and I’ve become more mature. I lost the glasses and I lost the braces. I made new friends and lost friends that meant the world to me. I’ve had my heart broken and have had some of my very best friends betray me. Maybe sometimes people need change in their life to send them down the right path.

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