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Story of Survival from abuse.
About four months ago I met a man (for writing purposes) named Ben. Ben and I got serious really quick and began a serious adult relationship. This man was significantly older than me and was from Mexico. He at first seemed to be everything that I wanted in the future. The one thing I failed to pay attention to is that my close friends and family told me they did not trust him and he set there instincts off.
Around 1 1/2 months after we began our relationship he began acting different. I didn't know what to think. He refused to come and see me (lived 2 1/2 hours away) on the weekends like he would normally. He did not want to talk or answer my phone calls so I gave him space. A few days later at 5 in the morning he called and said that he was in town.
We came into my house and went to sleep but when I woke up he was gone. After a while everything seemed normal, until he began to demand seeing my cell phone and who I was calling and texting. I willing gave him my cell phone and he took out his cell phone and started taking down the numbers of my guy friends who live in my town.
The behavior concerned me so I asked him if he could back off just a little bit. He agreed to back off but it wasn't long before he began calling me again. He then had asked me to marry him and I agreed.
He bought me the most beautiful engagement ring and came over to meet my second sister. He stayed the entire weekend until he for some reason or another got angry when my sister and I went to talk in my room. He went into my room and grabbed his stuff.
I went outside after him and he invited me into the car. He was extreamly angry and cursing at me and then took the engagement ring off my finger and threw it out his window while we were on the freeway.
He then brought me to a gas station down the street from my apartment where he left me. After 2 days he began calling me and saying he needed to see me. I tried to say that I needed time but he wouldn't give me time. So we made up. Everything returned to normal and he joined my family and I for thanksgiving. We were almost back to the couple we first were.
Soon after he began demanding that I erase all of the guys off my cell phone and for some reason I agreed. Then he told me I needed to change. I didn't know what needed to change becuase I was willing to erase my guy friends numbers for him.
Then I was peeking as he was reading a text message and he told me I had no right to be angry that a girl text him "hello my love" and claimed that in his country thats what sisters say to their brothers. Then another girls name began coming up and he had explained she was his ex girlfriend.
Suddenly it became alright for him to have a whole bunch of girls numbers on his phone but not alright to even have my brother-in-laws number on my phone. He took me out to eat on my birthday (In the middle of December) and then tried to break up with me after he accused me of checking out the bus boys. He left back to his town that night.
Christmas came and he joined us once again. He brought over liquor and my brother-in-law and him sat and drank together. He insisted we go to bed and I agreed. So we went into my room and he told me to shut up and shoved me really hard. After that I told him he had to leave my house. He left a bruise on my arm. He left at 5 in the morning.
He started calling me but I was ignoring his calls.
December 31, 2008
I was sleeping becuase I had to be at work at 8:00 a.m. At around 4:30 in the morning the doorbell rang. My sister answered the door because she was having trouble sleeping. The person had ran off. At 5 in the morning the doorbell rang again. This time it was Ben. He was standing there with his hood over his head and looking toward the ground. My brother-in-laws friend was over because the night before was his birthday.
My brother-in-law's friend told my sister once she was heading to get me that Ben didn't look right and that he looked as if he were on some sort of drugs. My sister woke me up and I went outside with Ben. Ben asked me if we could go talk in his car and I said yes. When I entered his car he asked if I could go to the store with him to get some cigarettes. I agreed and then he began going toward the store. Where he was supposed to make a left, he made a right which is the freeway on ramp. I asked him to let me out right then and there so I could go home and he said no. I began to worry and looked into the back seat and there was a 12 pack of empty Corona's and a new 12 pack with one missing. I looked into the cup holder to see that the bottle missing was from the new 12 pack meaning he was highly intoxicated. As we were in the car he began to accuse me of cheating on him. I was begging him to take me home and he wouldn't. He kept saying I was cheating on him. When I said no he began to swerve toward the end of the freeway. I told him I was. I was crying and begging him to take me home. He told me to shut up or he was going to crash the car.
He said that an accident would be good because then we could be together forever. I was crying and begging him to bring me home. My sister called his cellphone because it had been an hour since I went outside with him to his car. He answered his phone and put his hand over my mouth and told her I was sleeping but I would be in at 7 and then ended the call with her. After a while I convinced him to stop at a rest area so that I could use the restroom. When I went back to his car he had told my mom that he was bringing me home and then we were sitting in his car and he told me to get out of his car and that he was leaving me there. He gave me 5 minutes to tell my sister I was at a rest stop but not the exact location and took the phone from me. He got into his car and apparently drove off. I ran to the payphones and called the police. While I was on the telephone with the police he came back around and walked up to me and hung up the phone.
He wrapped his arm around me and began to try to escort me to the car saying he was going to take me home. I told him no, that I wouldn't get back into his car. He still tried and a maintenance worker approached us and asked me if I needed any help. I nodded and Ben got into his car and drove off. About 10 minutes later 2 state troopers arrived. The state troopers called my city where they found out that my family had already contacted the police. The trooper spoke to an officer and then transported me to a different county and stopped at a gas station where he met the officer from my town and I got into the car with her and she brought me home.
Unfortunately this man has not been caught yet.
When I arrived home it was almost 10 am and my sister convinced me to go into work. I went to work and then my mom and I were waiting for specialized transportation to arrive so we could go home and I saw the headlights of a car sitting behind one of the buildings in our works business park and looked toward my mom (I work with her) and said "mom I think that is Ben." She said it probably wasn't but I told her my instincts were sending off red alarms. Well she told me to just go wait in the building and as soon as I walked into the building I turned around and the car sped out from behind the building and it was him.
I managed to survive and wanted to tell my story.
Girls pay attention to these 5 warning signs
1. Person does alot of drugs/alcohol
2. Says he would never hit you
3. Trys to isolate you
4. Insists you are cheating on him
5. Does things that frighten you after you ask him not to.
These are a few signs I didn't pay attention to that I should have.