I only get to see my dad once a year, maybe twice if I'm lucky. I love seeing him, I feel so much better when I see him. I wish I was able to see him more. I wish he loved me. I wish I knew what was wrong with me that keeps him away. No one knows how I feel. Not my mom, not my dad. If you looked at me you would think I was the happiest kid alive. But if you were to go into my head, you would think I was really screwed up. You're right. I need my dad, I want my dad. I wake up every day day wishing I knew, wishing I could change. Truth is I can't. Nothing can change our relantionship. Nothing can change these thoughts in my head. This is how it's going to be. Never changing, never ending.
June 16, 2009