Accidents

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On February 21, 2008 it was a Thursday night. The family was together, my parents were in the kitchen. When my parents finally came out into the living room they looked distant and had a serious look in their eyes. They turned off the TV, my mom said that they had an announcement, some interesting news for us. I knew what was going on the whole time. I was hoping for the best, I was praying that my mom was pregnant. Then my mom said the 3 words I was dreading, I was already holding back tears, the 3 words were “we’re splitting up.” All the emotions swirling around in my head came out in uncontrollable tears. I didn’t know what was so bad about our family. I thought it was doing ok actually, apparently not so much.

I was out the door going to my cousin’s house up the dirt road. I tried to keep all of the emotions in so I could have a reasonable understandable conversation with someone, tell them what’s all going on in my head. But that didn’t work out to well and I came into the house, and the tears all came out in unmanageable crying. They asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t even begin to get the words out. I slept at my cousin’s house and stayed there all day the next day. I didn’t even want to speak to my parents, I thought I hated them, but they didn’t mean to hurt me like that. I like to call that whole night an accident.

Accidents hurt way more than you would think. Did you know that moving back and forth, deciding what house to stay at, deciding what parent to be with that night still after a year hurts me every time I think about it. I try and hide that from the outside world. Some things they really shouldn’t know, and when I yell and get angry it’s because I’ve held it in for to long. The accidents are still pressing on my shoulders.
The whole thing made me grow up, in ways I didn’t want to grow up. Things that a 14 year old should not be thinking about. How can I help my parents get through the economic issues Americas going through? Can I cut back on my expenses? Can I get a job and help them with the house bills? Can I move away from the people I grew up with so that my mom and I can be closer to her work?
I realize my parents didn’t mean to put me through the pain I have. They only want the best for me. I hope now that I’ve gotten this memory out of my head I can forgive and forget. But the forgiving part isn’t the hard one. It is the forgetting part that always gets me. When your life revolves around the accidents of others it makes it harder. But I always know that God has a plan for me somewhere. Every time my parents and I get in a fight, every time I yell at them, every time I say sorry, it’s a plan for me.





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