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Forgotten Memories

People say that they would never forget an important event that happened to them. That if something life changing happened to them they would never, ever forget it. But I don’t think that’s true, I know something life changing happened to me, but I just can’t remember it. I mean I know exactly what happened before it, and the time after it is a blur, but I can’t remember the event itself. It’s just a big empty blank spot in my memories and I kind of think it’s better that way.

I think it all started with that broken window screen. In our upstairs window, in the room my sister and I used to share there was this big window right above our bed and the screen was torn. Of course my family being my family did nothing about the window screen and simple left it as it was and so naturally over time I didn’t think anything about it or how dangerous it could be.

I don’t remember when exactly it happened but I do remember how. I don’t really remember how old I was when this happened but I knew that I had to be younger than four since my sister went to the main land by than. My sister and I was up in our room blasting music from the radio and jumping around in our so called “dancing” when I decided it would be a good idea to dance on the window ledge in our room. I remember climbing onto the window and I remember walking back and forth on that narrow ledge, and then I leaned back, and my memories go blank.

After that I have a blur of memories that don’t really make sense and a bigger blank spot that worries me a bit. My siblings tell me that when I fell I hit the ground near the cement in our backyard and that my older sister came running down the stairs and straight out into the backyard before anyone them could realize what was happening. They tell me that I was taken to the hospital and brought back almost as quickly; they said the doctor said I was fine. No broken bones, no sprained ones, no concussion, just a few scrapes and bruises but nothing major. My siblings told me that the doctor had given me a Barney doll and that we all fought over it until our dad told them that if they wanted one then they should go jump out a window too. But I can’t remember any of this; my memory is one big blur where some events stuck out better than others.

My friend told me that she saw me fall, that she heard me scream when I fell; and even though she said it with a smile and a laugh I couldn’t help but wonder how much that sight must have terrified her. To see one of her best friends falling out a window and screaming in what I believe to be pure terror; shouldn’t seeing something like that, when you’re only three to four years old, terrify anyone? Or what about my sister? She was with me in the room when I fell. I was always her favorite, even now I’m still am, but how badly shaken was she, to see her little sister fall out that window and scream in such terror when just a few minutes before she had been bouncing around the room laughing? How terrified was she, as she had to wait while I was taken to the hospital before they could find out if I was okay? What about my family, what where they really thinking when they realized that I fell out of that window? I can’t remember so I just have to trust in what they told me.
I know I wasn’t unaffected by this, I know that my extreme fear of heights was probably caused by my accident. I used to be terrified when ever my dad drove over a bridge, or of the rollercoaster that everyone else had so much fun in. Recently I freaked out on the ferries wheel, and I cried when my sister made me go on the Zipper, I know that there was nothing to be afraid of but I just couldn’t help it, but I also noticed that slowly my fear of heights is getting better, to the point that I was able to ride a plan without freaking out to much. While I know that I’m probably always going to be afraid of heights, I think I got of easy, not being able to remember while everyone else did. I think that even though I was the one to fall out of the window, my family and my friends were the ones to be the most affected by it, I mean yeah sure I’m afraid of heights but at the very least I can’t remember it while they can.

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