Happiness.

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What is happiness? Is there actually a definition that could fit into any dictionary or onto a website? I mean how can someone even put that description into words? To me happiness is when you can be somewhere and be completely fine with what you're doing, be completely fine with the people around you, and the most important, be fine with yourself. When the joy in your heart overrides any bad thing that has ever happened to you. When you would rather feel that way forever than do anything else.

In the past three years, I have been through a lot; both good and bad. I've met people who have changed my life and my view of many things. I've done so many things for the first time and I've changed. As a child, I observed people and their reactions to different things. From my doing that I know my limits on what to say or what to do in certain situations, and because of that I have a programming of how I'm supposed to be around others.

A few people have told me that I seem closed up most of the time. I can joke around and have a good time, but when things get serious I hide in my shell. When I feel like I am truly happy, that's when people begin to say this. That sets my programming off and knocks me out of bounds. I will admit, I can't be sad around others. It causes me to get upset and I can't control it once I get to that point. So, I'm keeping all of this "stuff" bottled up.

There are times when I can go to sleep completely content and smile through my dreams. Then, there are other times when my mind is lost. Thoughts run in and out of my head and I want to just run and never stop; I just want to dive into the ocean's waves and never come back up. The days that I'm stuck alone in that restlessness makes me realize that without those moments, my brain isn't forced to think about the things that really matter. And by the next day, I am okay again.

It's funny how fast feelings can change. One day you can say that you're okay with something bad that happened and then the next day a new dark feeling engulfs your soul and you're left wanting the happiness back.

I'm young and I'm growing up. I'm experiencing things that are utterly amazing and I'm getting to know people who will always be with me - who I'll never forget. Quite a few devastating events have occured in my life, quite a few people have left me when I need them most, and quite a few times have I felt like the lowest of the low. But if I spend my time thinking about things that I can't change then I'm wasting my time to get to know myself. That's why I'm an independent strong teenage girl who is going to "live, laugh, and love" no matter what life has in store for me.





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