When You Leave Me

May 10, 2009
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When You Leave Me

Born as the only child to my mother, I was her most prized possession. As a baby she would not let me go for more than a minute because she knew our time was limited before I left her as an adult. I always thought she was jumping ahead of herself though, for we still had years ahead of us.

Taking my first steps at the age of one, my mom cried as she watched me walk away from her. She knew that one day I would go out that door and not be her “little man” anymore. However, I could never go far from her and would run to her, arms open and be engulfed in a hug full of love.

Talking became my favorite activity as a toddler. I loved talking and would repeat anything that came into earshot. My first word was nonetheless “mama” even though my mother admits it sounded more like “mmmm”. Again my mother cried, for in a few years I would be saying good-bye to her walking away.

A boy can only be messy and I made sure that lived up to those standards. I ran outside through piles of mud galore and left a trail of toys shortly behind me all the time as a child. My mother was never known for her anger, however I always seemed to see it at that age. She yelled at me for making the house look like a disaster and punished me by making me clean it up. While watching me pack my toys back into the boxes from the doorway, she began to cry. One day I would pack all my belongings away and move out.

I went through what most teenage boys during puberty. My voice was always cracking, pimples plastered my face, and girls were constantly on my mind. Asking me about school and girls, my mother would have tears run down her face, for I would leave her in a couple of years and my heart would belong to someone else.

Sixteen was my favorite age; does the word ‘license’ ring a bell? It was the scariest day of my life driving with my testing instructor, however the most thrilling when hearing the words “You passed.” Looking out the house window, my mother cried as she watched me back out the driveway, down the street. Soon I will drive down this road, car packed, and leave her.

College applications were a drag but I knew I had to go to college in order to get a sufficient career. Applications scattered my desk, as I rushed to complete them before the due date. Watching me work tirelessly my mom brought dinner to my room, as tears trickled down her face. Meals would soon be eaten alone when I left her.

The day came for me to leave my mother. I packed my room, making sure not to leave anything behind and loaded the endless amount of boxes in the car. I did a last run around the house to make sure I did not forget anything. With everything ready, I slowly walked to my mother who was standing in the driveway in front of the car.

Ready for the rain shower my mother would have, I was shocked to see her face completely calm. She turned to me and said, “I cannot cry today for I have prepared myself for this moment for years. There are no more tears to cry now as I watch you leave me. You are a fine young man that will prosper in the world. I will watch you succeed and have everything you ever wanted. I want you to know that I am always here for you and will never leave you for anything.”

Being a guy I made sure to never let my mother see me cry as I became older, however I could not hold back. Tears filled my eyes as I hugged my mother and got into my car. I backed out of the driveway and watched as my mother waved good-bye to me. As I drove down the street I realized that I never anticipated for this to be so tough and emotional, and my mother was right by preparing herself for years for this day. However, deep down I know I never fully left my mother, for she has forever left a mark on my heart.





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mierda said...
May 19, 2009 at 2:34 am
this is the most beautiful thing i have ever read. such an amazing perspective on how life and growing up. i lovvee youuuuu :)
 
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