He Knew

When he first came into my life, he was so shy. So cautious. I know I was too; we were both so young and awkward around each other. I can only laugh thinking about it now.
I remember when we first spoke, when we first sat together. He was so nervous; I did all the talking. I didn't mind. I remember feeling him tremble. I told him that there was no reason to be nervous, and we sat in silence. It seems like a dull moment of nothing, but it was the beginning of something amazing.
His trust in me grew and it seemed almost over-night that I loved him, and he loved me. I smile thinking about those hot summer day that we sat in the cool grass in my backyard; playing like a couple of kids. I'd get up and run away from him and laugh as he'd chase me...and I loved it.
I loved the way he sat so close to me, the trust we had for each other, all of it. Of course, there were the days we couldn't see each other. If I only knew how short of a time we had...things would have been different.
I remember the day I found out he was sick. He was as cheerful and upbeat as ever, but I knew a part of him was dying. In my head, I wished and thought this sick state would pass, and we would be like we were again; happy and care free, running through the grass. But in reality, I knew something wasn't right.
Everyday I saw him, he looked worse. His dark eyes were as captivating and alive as ever, but his body showed otherwise.
He lost his healthy weight and his bones poked through what skin I saw. He didn't seem to be suffering, but his health was depleting. His hands touched mine, letting me know he was still there...but I knew not for long.
I remember sitting in the room in a chair; watching the doctor check him out. He came to me next, telling me what no one wants to hear. But it was inevitable. The doctor left as I stood.
I knew these were my last words. I choked as I rubbed his head. I could only say to him that it was ok, and that I loved him.
Then it ended there...I wanted my heart to stop so his would start again. I wanted it to be my last breath, so that he could have his first again.
He laid there lifeless as I rubbed his head and pulled the covers over him. Did he know the joy he gave me? Did he know how happy he made my heart? Did he know all the great memories he left for me to cherish? Did he know I never felt the way I did towards him to anyone else? Did he know I loved him?
Before I left his side, I touched his face and smiled.
...He knew...





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Konnar said...
May 22, 2009 at 4:01 am
It may seem sad, but I can tell you're happy that your memories will let him live for longer than a healthy person would.
 
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