Finding Myself in Losing Her

April 22, 2009
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My personal Odyssey opens with the normal life or an 8th grader. 5th period. Math. It was the beginning of a new semester so when our teacher told us to gather our things and move, it could only mean one thing: new assigned seats. As everyone got their new seats, I whispered a silent, hopeful prayer that I didn’t have to sit by her. And as fate would have it, we were the last two names called as we took our seats side by side, as we be for months to come. Side by side, arm in arm, heart to heart.

As the weeks pasted, we talked. About little things at first, never going any farther than skin deep. Before I knew it, we were sharing our pasts, enjoying our present and wondering about our futures. I found myself caught in a friendship I never knew could exist. We became closer and closer, until we were inseparable. My friends warned me not to trust her. They said I would just get hurt. I didn’t believe them; I believed her. Believing her cost me friendships, but it was okay because she got me. I didn’t have to put on a fake smile around her because she always made me smile truly. Until that day came.

She came up to me in the hallway, tears in her eyes. I followed her into the bathroom stall as she burst into tears, “ I’ve done something horrible and I can’t stop,” she cried. “ I need your help. I didn’t tell you before because I thought you would be mad, but I have been smoking for about two months now. And a couple weeks ago my friend got me to try acid and now I’m hooked. I have a dealer, but I need you to cover for me. I’ve been sneaking out at night and getting high.”

I looked at her, shocked. How could my best friend be capable of this? As my eyes filled with tears, I screamed, “ NO! You can’t! How could you do this. I love you so of course I’ll help you, but not help you get more! You have to stop!”

“ I thought I could count on you, but I guess I was wrong. You say you are my best friend and you can’t even do this for me,” she said....... What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stand there when my friend needed me most. So I didn’t. I helped her lie and cover up for months. I wasn’t just covering up her secrets though; i was covering up myself. No one knew me anymore, not even me. Every lie I told took away yet another part of me. She wasn’t just destroying her life, she was destroying mine as well. But what were my options? Turn her in and lose my best friend, or keep chipping away at myself?

One day I realized that even though it would be hard, I could make new friends, but I couldn’t let her tear me apart. So I let go. Of her, of her lies, and of her damage. Without her as my disease, eating away at my life, I could restart.

In the months it took to get my life back together is where I found myself. Being able to pull myself back from the situation I was in made me realize that I was strong. I wanted to be the person that could get through anything, no matter the circumstances. And I am that person now. I have her to thank for that. If she hadn’t pushed me, I would haver never known that I could survive the fall.In the end, I found myself in losing her.

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